December 11, 2007

Is Gender Discrimination Still a Problem?

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Discrimination, Money, Women | Tags: , , , |
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Men vs. Women?I actually believed it was fading. But I guess I was being naïve. A lot of high earning women (and not-so high-earners as well) are still contending with gender bias and sexual harassment. Not all successful women have to confront these problems. But for those who do, they tell me it’s one of the most frustrating challenges in their career. Maybe you know what I’m talking about.

“I wish we were all treated equally, but that just isn’t the case,” one woman told me, and she went on to say. “The guys will get asked by the people who run the firm to go golfing but they won’t ask me because I’m a woman. So my peers are hanging out with the decision makers on weekends and I’m not invited. “

When I asked her how she lived with that, she just shrugged, “I’ve grown to accept it. I don’t like it but what can I do? I counteract by not messing up, not making mistakes, and working harder.”

The women I’ve talked to seem to have found a recipe for coping that relies heavily on recognition, not resignation—acceptance, not anger, and a large dose of humor. When they’d give me examples of obvious unfairness, I’d shake my head and wonder how they handled these situations. Their responses were remarkably similar. “I just have a good laugh,” they’d say, “otherwise I’d go crazy.”

I’d be really interested to hear from those of you who’ve experienced gender discrimination. What has kept you from going crazy?

 

December 10, 2007

A Sure Sign You’re in the Discomfort Zone

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Empower, Finance, Money, Women | Tags: , , |
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Glass wall - ResistanceYou know the feeling. You finally decide to take charge of your money. You’re going to get smart. You’re going to pay off your debt. You’re going to invest regularly. Off you go…when suddenly, you run smack dab into resistance.

Resistance, by the way, is the psychological term for “I don’t want to do this!” You don’t feel right. You get scared. You want to quit. Resistance, more than anything else, is what stops women from taking the financial reins.

Trouble is, resistance is very subtle and easy to justify. To help you identify when you’re in it, I’ve come up with Twelve Signs You’re In Resistance

1. YOU’RE TOO BUSY (“I have no time.”)

2. YOU PROCRASTINATE (“I’ll do it later.”)

3. YOU’RE SCARED INTO INACTION (“Omygawd, what if…?”)

4. YOU DEFER DECISIONS (“You do it, you decide.”)

5. YOU LOSE INTEREST (“This is boring, it’s not my thing.”)

6. YOU’RE FORGETFUL (“Oh, I meant to, but I forgot.”)

7. YOU’RE DISORGANIZED (“Where did I put that…?”)

8. YOU FOG UP, SPACE OUT (“What are you talking about?”)

9. YOU FEEL PARALYZED (“I just can’t think or get going.”)

10. YOU FIND REASONS NOT TO ACT (“I can’t because…”)

11. YOU’RE IMPATIENT (“This is taking way too long.”)

12. YOU KEEP RUNNING INTO NAYSAYERS (Other people say, ‘You can’t do that,” “That’s not possible.”) This form of resistance is especially sneaky. You project your own fear out onto others.

How do you get past resistance?

  • Understand that resistance is normal. It simply means things are changing, not that something is wrong
  • Do not let resistance derail you, at least not for very long
  • Whatever it is you don’t want to do, that is exactly what you need to do next
 

November 19, 2007

The Road to Riches is Often Paved with a Higher Purpose

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny
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Have you ever taken time to figure out your purpose in life? Maybe you should…if you’re trying to increase your income.

Road to higher purposeI’ve been interviewing women who make millions for a new a new book I’m writing. Like all high earners, these seven (and eight, nine, ten)-figure women clearly had a very strong profit motive. But what pushed them to even higher levels was not the money, per se, but this profound sense of a higher purpose. Making millions may have been the stated goal, but what deeply motivated these women was what they could to do with those millions to make the world a better place.

When I asked a successful financial advisor how she went from six figures to seven, her response reflected this common theme: “It happened when my mentality shifted to making a difference. You get to a point where you have more than you need, so you start thinking how you can help others.”

These women possessed a “fire in their belly” ignited by an almost a divine sense of mission, a transpersonal commitment to something larger than themselves . What struck me was how this combination of a lofty purpose with a clear profit motive created a really powerful alchemy. Here’s why:

1. Their strong sense of a higher purpose fueled their unwavering perseverance. As one told me: “Having a big vision creates the drive to something meaningful in a big way.” And another added: “I have such a deep sense of mission and purpose, that I go into full throttle, even in volunteer work.” Still another said, “When you’re on fire with a higher purpose, all you need to do is move through your self imposed blocks.”

2. Their strong sense of purpose bolstered their courage. Whenever they were scared, stymied, or facing a seemingly insurmountable obstacle, they immediately went back to that purpose. “When in doubt, I revisit my mission. I know that’s why I’m here and I know I have to act.” said a multi-million dollar earner.

3. Balance and sanity are by-products of a strong sense of purpose. There’s a significant difference between drive and addiction. Addiction arises from feelings of inadequacy, pain, and fear, inevitably leading to burn out. Drive comes from a vision that nourishes one’s soul and enriches their life. As one young woman told me, “I had a massive inner critic and I’d push myself until I broke down.” Her solution: “I did lots of self improvement work and started to focus on achieving my purpose without killing myself.” The results: a significant increase in earning and decrease in stress.

To all those underearners who think there’s nobility in poverty, think again. As successful women have taught me, prosperity paves the way for generosity.

 

November 6, 2007

First Date: Who Pays?

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Finance, Money, Relationships, Women | Tags: , |
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I was just interviewed on an online radio show I want all of you single women to know about. Yvonne Chase created the show—Conversations with Coach Yvonne—to empower single women in every area of life…money being one of those areas. You can listen to my interview with her, along with all her previous shows at http://www.availableandhappy.com

But the point of this blog, being single myself, is a burning question I had for Yvonne, something that’s been plaguing me for years. Who pays for the first date?

Who pays? “I always offer to pay,” she told me. “You’re not in a relationship yet. I wouldn’t expect a girlfriend to pay.”

I used to feel exactly the same. After my divorce 5 years ago, I would always lunge for the check on the first date. It was my way of marking my territory, making sure he understood that I’m a strong, independent woman. I even got offended if he insisted on paying

About a year ago, however, my attitude changed dramatically. I’m not sure why, either. Now, I like it when a man pays the bill. No, I love it. (This feels kind of embarrassing to admit.) I don’t feel this makes me any less independent. I certainly offer to pay on subsequent dates. But it feels so good to be courted.

In fact, I recently had a first date with a very cute guy. But when the check came, he made no attempt to reach for it. Nor did I. Finally, after 20 minutes, I did something that could be construed as manipulative. I went to the bathroom. Lo and behold, he had paid the bill by the time I returned

You know something? That one experience so colored my feelings, I only went out with him a few more times…all of which I paid for, of course!!

Am I being old fashioned?

 

November 3, 2007

What’s With the Fear Tactics?

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Finance, Invest, Money, Savings | Tags: , |
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Maybe I’m over reacting. I just heard yet another conference speaker warn me, along with a few hundred other women, that unless we take action, most of us will never retire because we can’t afford to.

Enough with the bad news already! The financial industry, along with the media, seem to believe that the best way to motivate women is by frightening us with scary statistics, alarming statements, and worse case scenarios. But clearly fear tactics haven’t worked. Women hear these gloomy statistics and instead of taking action, just get depressed and go into avoidance.

I would love to see the financial industry/media do away with (or at least down play) those depressing statistics. And instead, talk about how financial success allows women to help her kids, her parents, people she loves. Tell us stories about the joys of philanthropy, the thrill of leaving a legacy. Give examples of how proper financial planning will give her the resources to contribute to causes she feels passionate about.

To most women (and I suspect some men), helping others and making a difference is what financial empowerment is all about.

Does anyone else feel as strongly as I do about this?

 

October 26, 2007

Think Big, Act Small

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Finance, Money, Savings, Women | Tags: , , , , |
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Let me suggest a foolproof strategy for achieving financial savvy…especially if you’re having a hard time doing it. Think big. Act small. And never, ever stop until you reach your goal.

One reason so many have trouble with money—saving more, investing wisely, or paying off debt—is because it seems so overwhelming. And indeed it can be. But I truly believe the secret to success is this: small steps consistently taken create remarkable results.

I am convinced:

  1. It doesn’t take a lot of time to get smart.
  2. It doesn’t take a lot of money to create wealth.
  3. It’s best to begin when you’re young, but it’s never, ever too late to start.

A big part of attaining financial freedom is simply changing your habits.

Early on, I devised a 3-step plan for myself that was amazingly effective at changing my habitual avoidance. Try these 3 steps for 4 months, and see what happens:

Reading up1. Everyday, read something about money, even if it’s just for a minute or two, even if it’s only the headlines of the business section of the newspaper, or a money magazine while you’re waiting in line at the grocery. So much of getting smart or smarter about money is understanding the jargon and the current trends.

2. Every week, have a conversation about money, especially with someone who knows more than you. I learned this from my interviews with financially savvy women. Whenever you meet anyone who knows more than you, ask them how they got smart, the mistakes they made, and what’s worked best for them. I think it’s our secrecy and silence about money that keeps us stuck.

3. Every month, save. Automatically have money transferred from your checking account or paycheck to your savings account. How much? Better to save say $10 a month, than try to put aside too much and eventually give up because you feel the pinch. Small amounts really do add up surprisingly fast. And as the saying goes: it’s easier to find 500 ways to save $1 than it is to find 1 way to save $500.

 

October 18, 2007

Take Back Your Power

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Business, Earning, Empower, Finance, Money, Salary, Women | Tags: , , , , |
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Taking ChargeI just had a long conversation with Robin Tennant, who teaches negotiation skills to women. My question to her: What’s the biggest mistake women make in asking for more money?

Her response: Women give away their power before they even open their mouth.

How do we take back our power? I wondered. Here were her tips.

  1. Take credit for your ideas. You must toot your own horn, brag about your successes. Let the powers-that-be know precisely what your contribution was to a project or the team. “Men are taught to showboat. Women are taught to be submissive. We need to learn to say, ‘damn I’m good.’”
  2. Take responsibility for your mistakes. Your boss never wants to hear “yes…but” or any explanation. Instead, say ‘I made a mistake and I will fix it.” Robin tells me about a terrible mistake she once made, that lost business for the company, but she took responsibility, dealt with it professionally, and won her superiors’ respect. “It came a badge of honor by the way I handled it.”
  3. Be prepared. Bring a list—that you’ve worked on for a least 3 weeks to a month—of what you want and what you’re willing to give up. For example, Robin says, “I may not need my name on the stationary, but flexibility to go to my kids activities is really important.”
  4. Don’t look or act scared…even if you’re a quivering wreck. See yourself as an equal, adding value, deserving respect.
  5. Ask for what you want firmly, confidently, and allow for silence. Women often talk too much when they get nervous. Listen to what they say, even if its criticism, without interrupting or justifying your actions.

I liked her advice. Especially the part about taking credit for your successes and responsibility for your mistakes. What do you think?

If you want to get a hold of Robin: robintennant@mac.com

 

October 16, 2007

The Real Secret to Financial Success…it’s not what you think!!!

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Finance, Money, Women | Tags: , , , |
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You know what I’ve come to believe is the biggest pitfall to making more money? It’s simply this: We think we have to have it all figured out first. Yet that’s exactly what slows us down, or keeps us stuck.

I realized this after giving two Overcoming Underearning workshops back to back. When it came to setting financial goals, the women who had the most trouble thinking bigger were the ones who kept trying to figure out exactly what they needed to do to get there. If they couldn’t figure it out, they tended to lower their sights.

That’s not the way it works at all…at least not for the thousands of successful women I’ve interviewed. What these women did was:Reach

1. set a goal,

2. commit to reach it (without having to know exactly how),

3. even if they had a plan, they took advantage of unexpected opportunities that fell in their lap.

A commitment is like a magnet…it attracts coincidences. I always say, once you truly commit to a bigger goal, and you don’t experience coincidences, then you need to go back to the drawing board. You’re obviously not totally committed.

That’s the way it happened for me. I decided to earn $125,000 in the year 2000. As a chronic underearner, I had no idea how I was going to do that. But as I learned from the six-figure women I was interviewing, I didn’t need to figure it out. I just needed to take advantage of synchronicities. Of course, these opportunities always lay right outside my comfort zone.

That’s the real secret to overcoming underearning. It’s not about trying to figure out how, but being willing to let go of control and do what comes next, especially if it’s something you’re scared to do.

My new goal is: Make Millions, Help Millions, Give Millions. Believe me, I have no idea how I’m going to reach that. But once I declared that intention, the universe started tossing synchronicities my way. I’m not there yet, however I’m spending a lot of time in my discomfort zone. I’ll let you know what happens.

 

October 2, 2007

When She Makes More Than He…

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Money, Relationships, Salary, Women | Tags: , , , , , |
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Heart in the cold snowA recent NY Times article has created a lot of buzz. Young women, working in major cities, are surging way ahead of men in terms of earnings. This is a great news for a gender that’s long been on the short end of the income stick.

Still, this trend is bound to play havoc in some relationships. For centuries, men’s self esteem has been heavily linked to their financial success…just as women’s sense of femininity has been connected to being taken care of. Sure times have changed radically…but some egos are having trouble making the transition.

And it’s not just men who are having a hard time…women are too. I’ve talked with a lot of women, ambitious as they are, who secretly resent their husband’s inability to bring in the big bucks.

Jean Chatsky wrote a terrific article on keeping your relationship intact when your man earns less. She offers 5 tips:

  1. Talk and listen
  2. Be his biggest cheerleader
  3. Open yours, mine, and ours accounts
  4. Focus on the endgame (i.e. your dreams and goals)
  5. Recognize that marriage changes things

Excellent advice. Of the 5, I believe #1 is the critical piece. Especially the listening part. We all know it’s important to communicate. But fearful people can be vicious. Not because they’re mean-spirited, but because they’re scared. Make no mistake—role reversal can be scary because it threatens the status quo.

Successful communication means allowing anger, even rage, to be expressed…without taking it personally. It requires the willingness to tell your truth, blow off steam, express your fear and anger without the other person getting defensive, but listening with compassion and nonjudgement. Not easy, by any means.

I’d love to hear from those of you who have had these kind of discussions…what’s worked and what hasn’t??

 

September 26, 2007

Powerful Giving

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Finance, Invest, Money | Tags: , , , |
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GivePhilanthropy is usually the least thought out, most disorganized part of our financial activities. We know charitable contributions save us taxes.

But the question we rarely ask is: How can I maximize not only my tax benefits but the power that philanthropy gives me?

The more thought and planning you give to your charitable donations, the more—so to speak—bang you get from your buck—financially, socially, emotionally.

To this end, I put together Six Principles of Powerful Philanthropy:

1. Educate yourself financially. The number one reason women don’t give more is lack of knowledge. No matter how much money a woman has, if she’s afraid, insecure, and/or ignorant around money, she’ll be restrained in her giving . In a recent study, 73% of women felt that passing money to children and causes is important, but only 14% have conducted detailed financial planning to ensure an effective wealth transfer.

2. Get your financial house in order, with your spouse. Review your finances regularly. Smart money management follows 4 rules:

  • Spend less
  • Save more
  • Invest wisely
  • Give generously

These rules must be followed in this order. Giving without following the first three rules is an act of self sabotage. Not only do you jeopardize your future security, but you diminish the impact you can make with your money.

3. See yourself as a philanthropist in your own right. Too many women think it’s their husband’s money, so charitable donations are his responsibility. But women outlive their spouse and will ultimately be in charge of the family estate. Another reason women don’t engage in planned giving is because, if they’re not a Carnegie or Rockefeller, they don’t think they have enough. Not so. Small amounts can add up to big changes.

4. Give serious thought to the legacy you want to leave. I once saw a poster with the word: “will it matter that I was?” Ask yourself: How do I want people to remember me? What changes would I like to see in the world. What do I value most? Does my giving reflect my values?

5. Work with professionals. Figuring out how much is possible and advantageous to give is a complex issue. It should be a team effort. Find reputable estate planners, attorneys, financial advisors, accountants. Studies show, however, 9 out of 10 people don’t mention charities in their will. So if a professional doesn’t bring it up, you be sure to.

6. Make it a family affair. Use philanthropy as a way to teach kinds about values, money management, and life goals.

The most powerful philanthropists are not the ones with the highest net worth. They are the ones who are financially educated, financially secure, and passionate about a cause.

 

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