I’m a big fan of The Secret.  I’ve watched the DVD at least 50 times.  This wildly successful video and book introduced the “Law of Attraction” (LOA) to millions of people.   And that’s a very good thing…to a point.Can the Secret really work?

Simply put, the Law of Attraction says:  Our thoughts create our reality.  What we focus on expands.  In other words, if you want to be rich, don’t focus on lack of wealth.

But here’s where it gets confusing.  How many people (you, maybe?) really want wealth,  and refuse to focus on anything but abundance… yet still,  nothing changes.   Their bills pile up while their bank balance shrivels.

What the Secret failed to mention is that the LOA is only part of the equation for creating wealth.  What’s missing are the other 2 Laws:

1.       The Law of Discipline
2.       The Law of Congruency

#1. The Law of Discipline.  Discipline — consistent activity in the direction of your desire — is the root of all success.  You can visualize flowers blooming, hitting a hole in one, or wads of cash,  but unless you exercise disciplined effort and pull the weeds, practice your putt, or follow the rules of money (spend less, save more, invest wisely), you’re not going to succeed at anything.

#2.  The Law of Congruency.  You get what you want not what you ask for.   For example, you may say “I want to be rich,” but if you distrust wealthy people, don’t believe you deserve wealth, or see money as the root of all evil, then wealth isn’t really what you want.  This inner discord explains why affirmations or positive thinking, as powerful as they are, don’t always work… your spoken goals are in conflict with your true desires, and deep down, you don’t actually want what you’re asking for.

Whenever I’m wondering why I’m not attracting something, I always ask myself 2 questions, in this order:

1.       Why don’t I want it?

2.       What am I not doing, that I need to be doing?

Try it, and let me know what you think!  And for more help and support in achieving your financial and personal desires, check out the schedule of Tele-seminars listed on my website!

I’ve been in a tizzy ever since Suze Orman changed her tune.  Last month, the ubiquitous financial guru stood before the masses and told them to “listen up”,  stop paying off debt,  and put every extra penny into savings.

credit card debt

Now,  let me make this clear.  I’m a HUGE advocate (borderline obsessive) for adequate savings.  I personally have way more than 10 months (Suze’s barometer) socked away in cash.  But to say to everyone: “only pay the minimum due on your credit card balance and instead make it your top priority to build as much of an emergency cash fund as you can.”  Huh????  That pronouncement made my head spin!!

Then I read my favorite financial columnist (the Web’s favorite too!),  Liz Pulliam Weston,  on msn.com.  Liz did what she always does for me — made sense of what sounds complicated,  or in this case,  crazy.

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Banking/CreditCardSmarts/why-suze-orman-is-wrong-again.aspx?page=1

Liz made a critical distinction Suze apparently overlooked.  Such a severe approach only applies to those in dire straits.  As Liz explained,  the only times when “paying the minimum or,  preferably,  just a bit more is the best of bad options” if:

  • You’ve been or are about to be laid off.
  • You’re on the financial brink.
  • Your accounts have already been frozen.

For everyone else,  Liz advised, “a more balanced approach might be the best course.” As she astutely points out,  it could take years to build up a big bundle in savings.  Dumping repayment plans for a lengthy period leads to unnecessary interest,  damaged credit scores,  and possible victimization by lenders.  Instead,  Liz  wisely suggests:

  • Stay the course. Continue paying down credit card debt,  but look for extra expenses to cut to pad your emergency fund as well.
  • Open an escape hatch.  If all your credit cards are with the same issuer, consider getting a card or two from different issuers so all your credit isn’t in the hands of one lender.
  • Monitoring your accounts.  Many lenders are trimming credit lines with little notice,  so checking your credit limits at least once a month is good practice.”
  • Pushing back.  Card issuers are hoping you accept their changes without a fuss,  but if you have good credit scores (FICOs of 720 or above),  you have some leverage and should be able to get them to rescind their decisions or take your business elsewhere.

Moral of this story: Beware of experts touting one approach for all.  Cookie cutter solutions can be harmful to your financial health!

Who pays?Who hasn’t been effected by the economic crisis?    And now there’s a name for what you may be feeling.   Financial Loss Syndrome (FLS).   My good friend, and financial advisor extraordinaire, Victoria Collins identified this malady in a recent article:

https://www.kellerinvest.com/KELLER/WEB/me.get?WEB.websections.show&SCH3305_312

“FLS is a group of symptoms we observed in clients over the past year.”  Victoria explained. Symptoms include: anxiety, embarrassment, guilt, distorted thinking, vulnerability, insomnia caused by loss—not just loss of money—but of control, identity, even status.

FLS occurs in 6 stages (similar to the well-documented stages of grief):

1.      Denial—like the proverbial ostrich, you hide your head in the sand rather than look at your portfolio. Major feeling: Numbness

2.      Realization—this stage begins the moment you open your statement and realize the damage. Major feelings: pain, fear/terror, embarrassment.

3.      Anger—someone must take the blame…often it’s yourself. And it doesn’t help that the bad guys are getting bailed out.  Major feeling: fury

4.      Bargaining—this stage represents a last grasp at control. You swear you’ll do something, you’re just not sure what. “If  my stocks get to ‘X’, I’ll sell.” Or,  “I’ll stay in the market and buy more.” Major feelings: confusion, fear

5.      Depression—it finally, really hits you: you have no control.  The economy is tanking, taking everybody with it. Major feelings: apathy, lack of motivation, helplessness.

Beware the first 5 stages, warns Victoria. “This is when people make irrational decisions, lock in losses, anything to stop the pain.” Instead, she urges, “focus on what you can control, like making a budget.” Healing begins at Stage Six.

6.      Acceptance—it’s time to face the facts, figure out what you can control (i.e. spending), update your financial situation, then make a plan for the future.  Major feelings: sense of control, renewed confidence.

Being the wise advisor that she is, Victoria declares:  “Panic is not a plan. It doesn’t work.” She recommends a far better plan:

·         Turn off CNBC.

·         Grab a calculator and a yellow pad.

·         Figure out your networth and cashflow.

·         Make an appointment with a good financial planner.

·         And then, relax with a nice glass of wine, and congratulate yourself for taking action based on KNOWLEDGE, not FEAR, IGNORANCE, or HABIT.

Does this sound like you?

“It’s a new year! I’m finally going to tackle my finances.  Yep, I’m really ready to get smart about money. Well…sort of.   I mean, I do want to learn…but it just seems so overwhelming.  Where do I start?”

Start with this article: http://www.creditcards.com/credit-card-newsReading up/savings-money-club-comeback-1264.php. Not just because I’m in it! The author, Dana Dratch,  does a fabulous job of explaining how to make  financial education fun! FUN????

Yes, FUN!  Invite some friends, bring some food, and start a Money Club.

“The idea has been around for years,” Dana writes. “A small group of friends, co-workers or, in some cases, complete strangers meet regularly to polish money skills, discuss money challenges and set concrete goals. Don’t confuse money clubs with investment clubs, in which members focus on investing skills and may even make investing decisions as a group or pool their money. “

Dana also interviewed Ginita Wall, the co-founder of www.wife.org (which I believe is the best financial education site on the internet for women) and a major proponent of money clubs. Ginita created the site; www.TheMoneyClub.org, where you can download a  free Leader’s Guide for “individuals interested in starting a club, and a menu of lesson plans for meetings.“

Money clubs are exploding in popularity. I’d love to hear from anyone who’s in a money club…got any tips or advice for the rest of us?

HandsI want to share with you one of the best kept secrets in the world of women and power. It’s called Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. I had no idea what Mama Gena’s was all about until Regena Thomashauer (aka Mama Gena) asked me to speak earlier this year.  When I walked into the room, the energy was so high and the women I met so extraordinary, I knew I had to check it out. So I signed up for Mastery.

The course explores power in ways that will deeply transform your relationship with yourself as a woman along with your ability to create your dreams and desires. What it did for me was help me identify and overcome barriers that have kept me from living my life to the fullest.

Regena’s work is truly cutting edge. I’d love you to check it out at  http://www.mamagenas.com, or contact me with any questions.  A new Mastery is starting soon…I’d love to see you there!

Have the headlines got you spooked?

I Can Do This !! Let me introduce you to my 2    Laws for Financial   Success…In Spite of Fear  (yours and everyone else’s!)…(drum roll please!)…expressly for the faint-hearted and other victims of the current fear mongering.

1.  Stanny’s Law of Resistance—the amount of resistance you experience in any endeavor is directly correlated to the amount of power and pleasure available on the other side.

2.  Stanny’s Law of a Lousy Economy—no matter how bad the economy, there will always be people who are prospering.

The following email demonstrates these laws in action.   The writer, a seminar graduate, ended up in the hospital after the first day of a 2 day seminar!  Even though she was in utter fear and the economy sucked big-time, she tenaciously respected Stanny’s Laws!  Look what happened:

Dear Barbara,

I took your Overcoming Under Earning Workshop last fall.   I am the woman who spent the night (after the first day) hooked to an IV in the emergency room.   My body was physically rebelling the changes that were taking place  in  me emotionally in your workshop!   As crazy as it seemed, I forced myself back for the second day… knowing I had every excuse not to launch deeper into more of my financial  mud pit.

Thank goodness I did… I am very happy to report that despite the economic upheaval of our Country I am better than ever.!!!! Since I saw you I have made some real tangible changes.  First off, I got the courage to go back to court and get a child support adjustment… this was something that I had been avoiding for 9 years… results a 233% increase!!!! Long overdue, obviously.

Even better than that, I finally know my financial future is completely in my hands… and that is incredibly empowering.   I now know that I control my financial future.  (I feel excited just writing this, and even more excited living it!!! )  I am working “smarter not harder“.

I have adjusted my business focus to accommodate the economic environment.  I now do what I had been doing full time, part time, and am working more full time with my internet brokerage company.  The  shift in focus has given me great financial success, as a matter of fact by staying on the course I am on  now, I am estimated to triple my best income  ever within 12 months!!!  Wow, didn’t even know what leverage was about a few years ago.

Just wanted to send you my  success story and express my thanks   for you, and the door that you helped me open in my life!

The moral of this story: never ever let fear or resistance stop you from going for the gold… regardless of what’s happening ‘out there’ or going on ‘in here’ (i.e. your head).  Resistance is simply a clear indication of what you need to do next!!

I’m using today’s blog to let the secret out of the bag.  Please help me in this effort by passing this on to everyone you know who’s in debt.

Stone arch

The secret is this: Your creditors will negotiate, and all you have to do is make the call!

I just read a fabulous article on this very subject by my friend, the fabulous financial columnist, Liz Weston: “Why lenders might forgive your debt.”

As Liz points out, “There was a time when lenders didn’t want to work with you if you couldn’t pay. Now they want to avoid foreclosure, lawsuits or repossession almost as much as you do.“

Want more?  Click on http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Banking/YourCreditRating/why-lenders-might-forgive-your-debt.aspx?page=2

If you’ve got piles of unpaid bills, this is a must-read.  And I encourage you to email it to your friends.  It’s one small way you can ease the suffering and contribute to the solution during this economic slump!

Unless you’ve been stuck on a dessert island, you’ve probably noticed that the financial industry is on one hell of a roller-coaster ride.   But according to the rule of the roller coaster, the only ones who get hurt are those who jump off in the middle.

This is not a time to panic.  This is a time to pay attention.

I believe scary times carry significant lessons. This financial mess has some urgent messages for us all. It’s as if the Universe is shaking us by the shoulders, desperately trying to get our attention, urging us to do things differently.

My advice: use these economic breakdowns as a catalyst for your own financial breakthroughs. If you can reap the wisdom in the chaos, there’s a wealth of knowledge to be gained. Here are a few Messages From the Market :

1. Never confuse ignorance with safety – This is not a time to ignore money and pretend everything will be ok. That’s what got us into this mess in the first place. Complacency without comprehension is particularly perilous.

The message from the markets: educate yourself financially…now!! (www.barbarastanny.com)

2. Never buy anything you can’t afford – Debt is bad. Debt is dangerous. When debt starts spiraling out of control, as it always does, it takes everything down with it.

The message from the markets: stop using credit, get rid of your cards, and create a plan for paying off outstanding balances. (www.nfcc.org)

3. Never invest in anything you don’t understand – Not even the experts understood the mortgage backed securities they were gobbling up. (www.betterinvesting.org)

The message from the markets: as your mother probably told you, just because everyone else is doing it, doesn’t mean you have to too!!!

4.  Diversification is paramount – Plunging markets tend to sink all ships. Those who bounce back fastest, however, have money spread out among different sectors, company sizes, industries, and countries.

The message from the markets: call your advisor and re-balance your portfolio. No advisor? (www.cfp.net; www.nafpfa.org; www.financialpro.org)

5. Trust your gut – If something is too good to be true, rest assured…it is, despite what the supposed experts are saying!!!.

The message from the markets: take your power back.

6. It’s a sale! – The media knows…fear sells. Don’t buy in by selling out. Instead, start scouting for bargains.

The message from the markets:   “When a recovery comes, those who were smart or lucky enough to buy at the bottom will do very well.” Wall Street Journal  (10/6/08) (www.wsj.com)

The markets will eventually go back up. And when they do, you want to be well positioned to benefit…and geared up to weather the next inevitable downturn.

It’s the finale…the last installment of popular questions. I hope they’ve been helpful. And if you have any questions for me, feel free to ask. I’d love to hear from you! So here we go:

Road to financial empowerment for women

1. I’m getting married next year. Should my fiancé and I keep separate accounts or have one joint account?
It’s fine to have a joint account for bill paying, etc, but be sure you have one for yourself too. Every woman needs an account in her own name.

2. How can I stop being such a compulsive shopper?
As my mentor, Karen McCall, a pioneer in financial recovery, always said: “You can never get enough of what you don’t really need.” The problem isn’t the shopping, but the “hole in your soul” you’re trying to fill. I highly recommend attending DA (Debtors Anonymous) meetings, a 12 step program for over-spenders, chronic debtors, and underearners.

3. What is one of the most common money mistakes women make and how can I avoid it?
Without a doubt; it’s doing nothing because you’re afraid of making a mistake. My advice is to spend 3-6 months educating yourself. How?

  1. Every day read something about money, even if it’s just the headlines in the business section of the newspaper, even if it’s only for 1or 2 minutes.
  2. Every week, talk about money, particularly with someone who knows more than you. (taking a class counts too).
  3. Every month, save by having a small amount from your paycheck or checking account automatically deposited in a savings and/or retirement account.

I also encourage women to find a financial advisor they can trust, who will hold them accountable and keep them on track.

4. I’m always worrying about money. How can I calm my fears?

  1. Educate yourself. Knowledge is the best anecdote for fear. The goal is to make financial decisions from knowledge, not ignorance, emotion or habit. Doing the 3 steps I outlined above is an amazingly simple but effective way to conquer money fears.
  2. Join with others. We women are so relationship oriented, one of the best ways to learn is to get support by forming (or joining) a money book club, money study group, or investment club.
  3. Track your spending. Write down every penny you spend for at least a month, then transfer those amounts to spending categories. This exercise allows you to see how/where you can shave expenses, figure out a debt repayment plan, and increase savings.
  4. Create an emergency savings fund with at least 6 months worth of living expenses (a shoe sale is NOT an emergency!)

5. As a young career woman, what’s the single smartest thing I can do with my money now?
Automatic savings. Arrange to have the bank, every month, withdraw money from your checking account or paycheck and deposit it monthly into a personal savings account. Even small amounts ($10 or $20 a month) consistently saved accumulate quickly. It’s money you’d otherwise fritter away. And you don’t miss what you don’t see!! Do the same with your company’s retirement account.

6. My current salary is under 50K. How can I make more money?
If you love what you do, ask for a raise. If you get a ‘no’, ask your boss what you need to do for a pay increase. If you feel dead-ended, or dislike your current job, start looking for a better, higher paying one. Figure out what you’re passionate about and network like crazy. From my interviews with six- and seven-figure women, I discovered that four factors are essential for financial success and quality of life (both are important):

  1. Passion—loving what you do
  2. Audacity—doing what you fear
  3. Resilience—getting back up when you fall down
  4. Community—reaching out for support

I’m back with more questions that I’m commonly asked, and the pithy answers I provided. Let me know if you disagree (or agree) with any of my responses.
1. How does a person, like myself, who is inexperienced with negotiating, learn how to do it successfully?
I’ll tell you how I’ve learned to be a better negotiator: by 1) taking classes, 2) reading books, 3) talking to people who are good at it; 4) learning from my mistakes. If I have to choose the one that’s been the most powerful, it’s #4.
2. I have a lot of external constraints—3 children and an active family lifethat prevent me from achieving my full professional potential. What can I do?
Your external conditions are not actual constraints. They’re excuses…pure and simple. I talk to too many women, with those same constraints, who are succeeding magnificently. And then there are others who don’t have kids or a family, yet have all kinds of other “constraints” as reasons for not acting. More often than not, we use those “constraints” as justifications, so we don’t have to do what we’re scared to do.
3. How can I most effectively teach my children about personal finance?
Whenever anyone asks me ‘how can I get my kids to be smart about money?’ my answer is always the same. Start by getting smart yourself. When it comes to children, you teach best what you model most. Also, I suggest talking openly and consistently (without preaching) to them about money. Include your kids in conversations about the family budget, paying bills, investing, saving for college, the danger of credit cards, etc. Managing money was, and still is, a very common topic of conversation around our dinner table.
4. I am a 50-year-old chronic underearner in a dead-end job with no advancement path. Is there any hope for me?
I was in my 50’s when I finally overcame underearning. And I’ve interviewed women who didn’t start making good money until their 60’s or 70’s. Overcoming underearning has nothing to do with age, lack of education or credentials…or anything else we think we need to make the big bucks. The only requirement necessary is the willingness to do what you fear, including thinking bigger, valuing yourself, and going outside your comfort zone (which may mean finding a new job)
5. Discussing money can be seen as crass, rude, or inappropriate. Until this changes, how can I find support, like you suggest?
I’ll tell you how I found support. I went to networking events, joined professional groups, attended financial conferences…anywhere I could find people who were like I wanted to become. I’d talk to them openly about money. It wasn’t crass. I didn’t ask how much they made, but I’d pick their brain and find out how they got smart. You’d be surprised how people will respond when you’re authentic and sincere about learning more.

So, do you agree or disagree? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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