Women


HandsI want to share with you one of the best kept secrets in the world of women and power. It’s called Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. I had no idea what Mama Gena’s was all about until Regena Thomashauer (aka Mama Gena) asked me to speak earlier this year.  When I walked into the room, the energy was so high and the women I met so extraordinary, I knew I had to check it out. So I signed up for Mastery.

The course explores power in ways that will deeply transform your relationship with yourself as a woman along with your ability to create your dreams and desires. What it did for me was help me identify and overcome barriers that have kept me from living my life to the fullest.

Regena’s work is truly cutting edge. I’d love you to check it out at  http://www.mamagenas.com, or contact me with any questions.  A new Mastery is starting soon…I’d love to see you there!

It’s the finale…the last installment of popular questions. I hope they’ve been helpful. And if you have any questions for me, feel free to ask. I’d love to hear from you! So here we go:

Road to financial empowerment for women

1. I’m getting married next year. Should my fiancé and I keep separate accounts or have one joint account?
It’s fine to have a joint account for bill paying, etc, but be sure you have one for yourself too. Every woman needs an account in her own name.

2. How can I stop being such a compulsive shopper?
As my mentor, Karen McCall, a pioneer in financial recovery, always said: “You can never get enough of what you don’t really need.” The problem isn’t the shopping, but the “hole in your soul” you’re trying to fill. I highly recommend attending DA (Debtors Anonymous) meetings, a 12 step program for over-spenders, chronic debtors, and underearners.

3. What is one of the most common money mistakes women make and how can I avoid it?
Without a doubt; it’s doing nothing because you’re afraid of making a mistake. My advice is to spend 3-6 months educating yourself. How?

  1. Every day read something about money, even if it’s just the headlines in the business section of the newspaper, even if it’s only for 1or 2 minutes.
  2. Every week, talk about money, particularly with someone who knows more than you. (taking a class counts too).
  3. Every month, save by having a small amount from your paycheck or checking account automatically deposited in a savings and/or retirement account.

I also encourage women to find a financial advisor they can trust, who will hold them accountable and keep them on track.

4. I’m always worrying about money. How can I calm my fears?

  1. Educate yourself. Knowledge is the best anecdote for fear. The goal is to make financial decisions from knowledge, not ignorance, emotion or habit. Doing the 3 steps I outlined above is an amazingly simple but effective way to conquer money fears.
  2. Join with others. We women are so relationship oriented, one of the best ways to learn is to get support by forming (or joining) a money book club, money study group, or investment club.
  3. Track your spending. Write down every penny you spend for at least a month, then transfer those amounts to spending categories. This exercise allows you to see how/where you can shave expenses, figure out a debt repayment plan, and increase savings.
  4. Create an emergency savings fund with at least 6 months worth of living expenses (a shoe sale is NOT an emergency!)

5. As a young career woman, what’s the single smartest thing I can do with my money now?
Automatic savings. Arrange to have the bank, every month, withdraw money from your checking account or paycheck and deposit it monthly into a personal savings account. Even small amounts ($10 or $20 a month) consistently saved accumulate quickly. It’s money you’d otherwise fritter away. And you don’t miss what you don’t see!! Do the same with your company’s retirement account.

6. My current salary is under 50K. How can I make more money?
If you love what you do, ask for a raise. If you get a ‘no’, ask your boss what you need to do for a pay increase. If you feel dead-ended, or dislike your current job, start looking for a better, higher paying one. Figure out what you’re passionate about and network like crazy. From my interviews with six- and seven-figure women, I discovered that four factors are essential for financial success and quality of life (both are important):

  1. Passion—loving what you do
  2. Audacity—doing what you fear
  3. Resilience—getting back up when you fall down
  4. Community—reaching out for support

Questions. I get a lot of them. I thought I’d share some of the most often asked ones, in this and future blogs. Who knows, maybe you’ve been wondering the same thing. Or, maybe you have a better response than mine. Let me know…

1. How is underearning self-imposed?
If you look at the 10 traits of an underearner—for example, they talk as if they’re trapped; they give away their power; they are self-saboteurs, codependent, vague about money and often anti-wealth—you can see every single trait is a result of a choice we made.

2. What is one thing I can start doing NOW to live up to my full potential and earn what I deserve?
Do what you’re most scared to do. The number one requirement for going to the next level in your life is the willingness to be uncomfortable, to do what you think you can’t do. Don’t worry if you’re not sure what that may be. You’ll know exactly what it is the moment you hear yourself saying “I can’t do that,” or “Oh no, that’s impossible.” Fear always points the way to growth.

3. I’m great at saving, but I shy away from investing. I know a lot of other women do too. Why do we do this?
Because investing seems so complicated and overwhelming! “And we women are so damn busy, who has time to learn?” That’s how I felt—until I realized that it’s a matter of taking small steps, doing a little something every day, like reading the business section of the newspaper, perusing financial sites, watching PBS nightly business report, taking classes, talking to others about money. Watch what happens after 3-6 months. Then find a financial advisor you can trust (I wrote a booklet that tells you how, available on my website).

4. Women entrepreneurs are notorious for not charging what they are worth. How can I overcome this tendency?
By valuing yourself, believing in what you do, then speaking up and asking for more because you know you’re worth it. That’s what I had to do to make six figures. I had to raise my fees, bargain harder, even though I was scared to death to do it. Not everyone agreed to pay my higher fee at first, but enough did that my income went up significantly, without having to work any harder!

5. You say that focus and intention are critical to overcoming underearning. Why?
One of the most “popular” ways intelligent, talented, ambitious women keep underearning is by being scattered, unfocused, pulled in too many directions. They may be genuinely motivated to make money, but they don’t realize that stretching themselves too thin dilutes their energy and is an act of self sabotage.

Does any of this ring true for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

If you’ll excuse me, but I’m frustrated and I need to vent! Yet another study has come out that tells us, according to an article in US World & News Report: “financial institutions are failing to connect with female customers, a group that will soon control 60% of the wealth in the US.” Duh! http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/SavingandDebt/ConsumerActionGuide/HowBanksShouldTalkToWomen.aspx

Allianz Life Insurance revealed what every study for the past decade has discovered: most women want to learn about retirement planning and investing. But “(Women) are telling us that materials out there are difficult to understand and that they find them boring. Some even compared them to reading a foreign language,” says Sherri DuMond, vice president of marketing solutions for Allianz.

This is news? Maybe to the industry. Certainly not to women.

The problem is that financial firms simply respond with more of the same materials, but couched in what one advisor in the article called “female-friendly metaphors.” For example: “Updating your 401(k) every six months…is like putting your winter clothes away in the summer, she says, and making stable investment choices is like purchasing your first black or blue suit.”

If the financial industry asked for my advice (and no one has), here’s what I’d tell them.

It’s time to get down to the nitty gritty! Don’t just focus on the facts of investing. Get personal. Dig deep. Talk about her fears. Explore her resistance . Delve into the real issues, like family messages and cultural conditioning. I always say doing the outer work without paying attention to the inner work only perpetuates the status quo.

Am I all alone here? Or am I being foolish to think that if financial advisors were trained appropriately, they could learn to actually talk about emotions? Let me hear from you!

Do You Think Like a Wealth Builder, or Are You More a Sex and the City Kind of Girl?

I was reading a blog the other day, when one line really caught my eye:

“I can SEE the difference between the mindset that simply wants to make money and the mindset that is more focused on creating and building wealth.” (http://witoo.wordpress.com/2008/06/14/making-money-versus-building-wealth/)

I love the way the blogger described her epiphany! Indeed, there is a HUGE difference between making money and creating wealth. And it really is a matter of mindset. This was my biggest surprise when I interviewed six-figure women. These women earned more than most people on the planet, yet very few of them were wealthy. Without question, their mindset is what made the difference. And it makes sense: how we think determines the choices we make and the results we create (i.e. wealth or no wealth)

Let me demonstrate:

The Make-Money-Mindset thinks like this: “I want to make money because the more money I make, the more clothes I can buy, the more trips I can take, the more wining and dining I can do, and the more fun I can have.”

The Create-Wealth-Mindset thinks like this: “I want to make money because the more money I make, the more I can save and invest for the long term. “

Do you know what separates between those mindsets? Two words. Instant gratification. It’s the difference between snapping up those Prada shoes–which you have to have because they go perfectly with that Juicy Couture dress you just bought –and depositing that money straight into a mutual fund.

The previous example was inspired by the recent movie, Sex and The City, which is clearly the story of 4 women who don’t understand the meaning of delayed gratification.

Mind you, I’m not suggesting self deprivation. Saving money doesn’t mean sacrificing fun. You can always pocket a portion of your earnings, say 20 bucks, and take in a movie. In fact, go watch Sex and The City, and gloat about how much smarter you are!! (No, Carrie is NOT smarter for marrying a rich man. Read my book, Prince Charming Isn’t Coming…you’ll understand why!!!)


Those of you familiar with my work know this about me: I’m a big fan of using financial advisors.

The reason: we women are so busy, many of us of don’t have the time, interest, or knowledge to manage our own money (and do it well). Of all the women I’ve interviewed, the ones with the highest networths didn’t necessarily earn (or inherit) the highest income. But the whopping majority did work with financial professionals.

The challenge: how do you find a trustworthy financial advisor?

The strategy: Ask for referrals from people who are happy with their advisors. Or go online to find names of advisors near you. Try these sites:

www.napfa.org — National association of Personal Financial Advisors

www.garrettplanningnetwork.com — the Garrett Planning Network of financial advisors who work for an hourly fee.

www.cfp.net — the website of Certified Financial Planners

The solution: Resist the urge to sign up with the first advisor you meet. Interview at least 3. Ask questions such as these, then go with your gut instinct:

1. Would you tell me about yourself?

2. Do you specialize in certain types of investments?

3. Who are your clients?

4. How do you charge for your services, and what costs might I incur working with you?

5. How often do you communicate with clients, and how often might I expect to hear from you?

6. Have you ever been involved in any lawsuits, arbitration, or disciplinary problems?

7. Is there anything you want me to know about you that I haven’t asked?

Need more help? I’ve written a booklet filled with great advice: Finding A Financial Advisor You Can Trust. You can order it on my website.

I’d love to hear your tips about finding an advisor.

I’ve never been particularly interested in politics, but this primary has been riveting. For the first time, a woman was a serious contender for President. You may like Hillary, or you may hate her. But you can’t refute this is has been an historic event that I suspect will change the landscape for women in a myriad of ways.

I was very moved by a recent newsletter from The White House Project (http://thewhitehouseproject.org/). The WHP is a nonpartisan 501(c)3 organization, whose purpose is to support and propel a diverse array of women into political leadership.

I thought it a gorgeous tribute to Hillary, a woman who has made history. I’d love to know what you think.

“When Senator Hillary Clinton declared her candidacy for President of the United States, she embarked upon a journey that forever changed American politics. As the first woman to win a presidential primary – and through the 19 victories that followed – Senator Clinton irrefutably proved to our nation and the world the viability of a woman candidate to lead our country as Commander in Chief. Though she will not gain her party’s nomination for the 2008 presidential election, Senator Clinton has permanently altered the political landscape, and we at The White House Project celebrate her pioneering candidacy as a testament to what will surely follow – a political pipeline swelling with women across the country who are ready and determined to lead. Senator Clinton’s candidacy has taught all of us much about the challenges facing women who lead…the subtle and overt manifestations of sexism in the election. Yet [we also saw the many] positives that this election has unfurled: a greater attention to the diversity and power of women voters; the historic, widespread support of both women and men for a female presidential candidate; and the steadily rising number of women across the country who are running for office. Increasing the numbers of women in politics is a critical step in making our nation the truly representational democracy it endeavors to be. As we say here, when you add women, you change everything – and Senator Clinton has undeniably transformed the place and power of women in politics forever. For that, and for much more, we applaud her historic run for her party’s nomination. “

“You don’t get what you deserve. You get what you demand.”
–Dianne Bennett, a 7th grade dropout who became six-figure woman.

More than half of the 1000 women polled by Pink Magazine and KPMG in 2006 felt they are not fairly compensated for their work. http://www.pink.com But here’s my question. How many of them actually asked for more money? My guess, not many.

A salary offer is not a foregone conclusion. Ninety percent of Human Resource professionals polled expect salaries to be negotiated. Overcoming underearning requires you take a stand, ask for what you want, negotiate until you reach a mutually satisfactory agreement, or walk away where appropriate.

Here’s some suggestions for negotiating effectively.

  • Know what you want. Research the going rates in your field. Ask the high end of the spectrum. You can always negotiate down, but never up.
  • “No” means “not now.”
  • Negotiate salary only after a job offer. Don’t be the first to bring it up. “Make them fall in love with you before talking money.” (Wall Street Journal, 10/29/04)
  • Negotiate more than money: early salary review, signing bonus, relocation costs, profit sharing, flexible schedule, paid time off, benefits, perks, educational programs, expense account, club memberships, bigger office, laptop, cell phone, job title.
  • Act confident (even if you don’t feel it). Communicate with authority. Perceived confidence has a big impact.
  • Request 24 to 72 hours to think over the offer.
  • Always start negotiations on a positive note. For example, thank the employer for the opportunity and make a counter offer.
  • If someone acts put off by a reasonable counter offer, consider it a red flag. Perhaps the employer doesn’t value what you bring to the table.
  • The best time to negotiate, or renegotiate, is when you have other offers.
  • Get the offer in writing.
  • Above all, focus on relationship building. “It’s always harder for someone to say ‘no’ if they know you and like you.” (www.WallStreetJournal.com)
  • Practice negotiating with a friend or in the mirror. Have points prepared, build a case, around your value and what you bring to the company.

I’ve learned a lot from interviewing high earners. But perhaps the most significant lesson was this:

Even though these women were not driven by money, they demanded to be well compensated because-and here’s the Big Lesson- they felt they were worth it.

The problem: women, in general, devalue themselves. These women, however, taught me specific ways to strengthen self esteem. Here are 5 tips for pumping up your self-worth along with your net worth.

  1. Think Big, Then Think Even Bigger5 Tips for Getting Paid What You Really Deserve – What most of us do is unwittingly limit our earnings by lowering our expectations. Especially women. The idea is to think in terms of what you are worth, not just what you assume the market will bear.
  2. Do Your Homework – One of the worst negotiating mistakes women make is picking a number out of the air that’s way too low. The smarter ones find out their market value by researching the going rates, then ask for more than is offered so they’ll have room to maneuver.
  3. Take the Initiative - Have tangible evidence of what you bring to the table. Maybe you saved your company x amount of dollars or had an idea that generated so many sales. Every time you accept more responsibility, successfully complete a challenge or create positive changes, document it. Keeping records is an effective means of demonstrating your value to an organization.
  4. Daily Affirmations -Act As If - Affirmations are positive statements expressed as if they’ve already happened. For example: “I have the confidence to ask for what I want.” “I deserve more money in my life.” Write them down. Post them in full view. Say them out loud as often as possible. When you act as if you’re worth a lot, you’ll eventually convince yourself as well as others.
  5. Challenge yourself in other areas – A stretch in any area of life has a ripple effect in other areas as well. If you can’t quite get yourself to volunteer for that tough assignment or ask for a raise, try signing up for an art class or running a marathon. Anything that puts you out of your comfort zone builds confidence and self-worth.

By practicing these tips, you’ll begin to notice a shift in how you feel about yourself. Making more money becomes not something you should do, but something you have to do-because you know in your heart you’re worth it.

If you have other suggestions, I’d love to hear them.

I just got an enthusiastic email from a client: “I feel as if I have discovered from you a magic secret of life that nobody else on the planet knows about.”

OK, she may be exaggerating…a bit. But in truth, what she learned IS one of the most powerful, and best kept secret among Successful High Earners (SHEs). It’s also the biggest show-stopper for underearners.

The secret– so utterly simple, yet so profoundly difficult—goes like this: “When you commit to a goal, you don’t have to know how you’ll achieve it. You just need to do what comes next.”

I learned this from my interviews with SHEs. To paraphrase a famous quote, they’d set a goal, jump off the cliff, and build wings on the way down. Conversely, Underearners think they must have a full-blown plan all figured out before they’ll even allow themselves to consider taking a leap.

Here’s a typical conversation (from an actual email):The Secret of SHE

Woman: “When you say we ‘don’t have to figure it all out,’ does that mean I don’t have to figure out exactly how I am going to make the money I want to make?”

Me: “Yep. “

Woman: “Hmmm, that goes against my business school training that taught you have to make a business plan, a marketing plan to achieve your revenue goals.”

She’s right. The secret runs counter to society’s teachings. But the most successful high earners taught me otherwise.

The lesson I learned from them: The HOW is NOT important. I repeat, the HOW is NOT important. What matters most is your degree of commitment.

Here’s how the secret works. Commitments are like magnets. They draw opportunities to you, often disguised as coincidences. You turn on the news, step on the bus, bump into a friend, hear the phone ring, and from absolutely nowhere, someone or something shows up that’s just what you need.

(Warning: If synchronicities aren’t forthcoming, revisit you commitment. There’s a direct correlation between fierceness of commitment and frequency of coincidences.)

That’s how the secret works. Once you commit to a goal and get out of your own way, it’s mind boggling what can happen. Try it, and tell me your results.

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