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January 16, 2009

Women In Power – Best Kept Secret

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Career, Empower, Feminism, Inspiration, Relationships, Women | Tags: , , |
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HandsI want to share with you one of the best kept secrets in the world of women and power. It’s called Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. I had no idea what Mama Gena’s was all about until Regena Thomashauer (aka Mama Gena) asked me to speak earlier this year.  When I walked into the room, the energy was so high and the women I met so extraordinary, I knew I had to check it out. So I signed up for Mastery.

The course explores power in ways that will deeply transform your relationship with yourself as a woman along with your ability to create your dreams and desires. What it did for me was help me identify and overcome barriers that have kept me from living my life to the fullest.

Regena’s work is truly cutting edge. I’d love you to check it out at  http://www.mamagenas.com, or contact me with any questions.  A new Mastery is starting soon…I’d love to see you there!

 

July 1, 2008

Do You Think Like A Wealth Builder, or You More a Sex And The City Kind Of Girl?

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Finance, Inspiration, Money, Relationships, Women, wealth | Tags: , , , , |
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Do You Think Like a Wealth Builder, or Are You More a Sex and the City Kind of Girl?

I was reading a blog the other day, when one line really caught my eye:

“I can SEE the difference between the mindset that simply wants to make money and the mindset that is more focused on creating and building wealth.” (http://witoo.wordpress.com/2008/06/14/making-money-versus-building-wealth/)

I love the way the blogger described her epiphany! Indeed, there is a HUGE difference between making money and creating wealth. And it really is a matter of mindset. This was my biggest surprise when I interviewed six-figure women. These women earned more than most people on the planet, yet very few of them were wealthy. Without question, their mindset is what made the difference. And it makes sense: how we think determines the choices we make and the results we create (i.e. wealth or no wealth)

Let me demonstrate:

The Make-Money-Mindset thinks like this: “I want to make money because the more money I make, the more clothes I can buy, the more trips I can take, the more wining and dining I can do, and the more fun I can have.”

The Create-Wealth-Mindset thinks like this: “I want to make money because the more money I make, the more I can save and invest for the long term. “

Do you know what separates between those mindsets? Two words. Instant gratification. It’s the difference between snapping up those Prada shoes–which you have to have because they go perfectly with that Juicy Couture dress you just bought –and depositing that money straight into a mutual fund.

The previous example was inspired by the recent movie, Sex and The City, which is clearly the story of 4 women who don’t understand the meaning of delayed gratification.

Mind you, I’m not suggesting self deprivation. Saving money doesn’t mean sacrificing fun. You can always pocket a portion of your earnings, say 20 bucks, and take in a movie. In fact, go watch Sex and The City, and gloat about how much smarter you are!! (No, Carrie is NOT smarter for marrying a rich man. Read my book, Prince Charming Isn’t Coming…you’ll understand why!!!)

 

May 5, 2008

Questions about Financial Advisors

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Empower, Finance, Relationships, Support | Tags: , , , |
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I’m a big believer in working with financial advisors. But I’ve noticed that most women have a lot of questions about working with professionals, and don’t always know how to find the answers.

Here are some of the most frequently asked questions I get*:

Q. What if I inherited financial professionals from my family and don’t want to continue working with them?

A. If you don’t like their personality, values or investment style, find someone else. Remember, it’s your money now and you need to do what is right for you. You may find it more difficult to dismiss advisors who are old family friends but, if you tell them honestly that you want to choose your own advisor, most likely they will wish you well.

Q. Do I have to sign a contract with my financial advisor? I’m afraid of getting myself into something I can’t easily get out of.

A. You will have to sign a contract with any investment advisor or brokerage firm to do business with them. The inviolable rule, of course, is never to sign any document you do not thor­oughly understand. Always take your time and if any point is unclear, ask questions. For extra protection, you should review the contract with a knowledgeable friend or attorney before signing it.

Q. Every time my advisor calls suggesting that I buy something, I think to myself does she really believe this is a good investment or is she just after a commission?

A. If you feel unsure about the motives of an advisor working on commission, you need to ask yourself: Do I generally suspect people are trying to take advantage of me, or is there something about this particular advisor that makes me uneasy? If you tend to worry that people are more interested in your money than in your welfare, use this as an opportunity to examine when those feelings are justified and when they aren’t. If you think the problem is with the advisor, discuss your concerns with that person, and then review the reasons for your concerns and the advisor’s responses with a trusted friend or professional. And, of course, you can switch to a fee-only financial planner or a wrap account that’s inclusive of all fees.

Q. What if my advisor pressures me to buy something?

A. If someone tells you, “Buy this now—the price will never be this low again,” or, “This stock will hit 100 in six months,” your antennae should go up. Never buckle under pressure. Think seriously about changing advisors. As one money manager put it, “There’s always another stock and there’s always another day.”

Q. The value of my portfolio is going down instead of up, and I think my broker is at fault. Is there any chance I can recover my losses?

A. Yes. If your broker or other investment advisors have recommended unsuitable investments and failed to explain their risks, churned your account, or bought securities without your permission, you can file a claim against them. Your advisor is generally required to settle the dispute by arbitration. I suggest you discuss your case with a lawyer or other professionals who represent clients in disputes with brokers.

Q. What if I want to change advisors?

A. Before you walk away, give your current advisor a chance to respond to your complaints. Sometimes just hearing the other person’s explanation can clear the air and preserve a working relationship. If, after you’ve talked you still want to take your business elsewhere, find a new advisor who will arrange to transfer your investments for you. Then tell your advisor you want to close your account. Switching brokers should be a simple process, especially if all your holdings are commonly traded stocks, bonds, and mutual funds that are easily moved from one brokerage firm to another. Simply fill out a form listing all the investments you held at the old brokerage firm and give it to the new broker who will take care of everything else. If you’re changing money managers, the process can be slightly more complicated. Often money managers will give you a pro-rated refund and retain a fee covering 30 days.

For more information, check out my booklet: Finding A Financial Advisor that You can Trust

 

February 29, 2008

Good News about Women and Power…It’s Fun!

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Feminism, Inspiration, Money, Relationships, Salary, Support, Women, wealth | Tags: , , , , |
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You can’t imagine how much I’m learning from my interviews with women making millions. These conversations have been about far more than money.

These women are showing me a new, distinctly feminine paradigm of power.Good News about Women and Power…It’s Fun!

These women are creating wealth and wielding clout on their own terms, in a decidedly womanly way.

These women have figured out how to ‘play with the big boys’, make the big bucks, all without pursuing the top-down, male-model of control, domination, and self aggrandizement.

These feminine pioneers of power are achieving extraordinary success, based on qualities that come naturally to women—partnering, nurturing, collaborating, empowering, helping others—and working toward goals that genuinely inspire them. Instead of playing like a man, they realized that they could change the rules to correspond to their values.

The late NY Congresswoman Bella Abzug, once said, “In the twenty-first century, women will change the nature of power rather than power changing the nature of women.” That’s precisely what’s happening.

“Men see power as an end. Power exists to have power”, explained Kaye Fittes, in an article on internet site Nightengale.com. “For women, power is a means to an end. To embrace power, women must see what good can come out of it.”

In other words, while men covet the cachet of the corner office, women crave the chance to make a difference.

That distinction is critical. The women I interviewed recognized that making millions was not an end, but a means, a tool for creating the life they wanted to live, becoming all they were meant to be, and making a difference in areas they deeply cared about. For them, the goal wasn’t to rival Bill Gates, but to build their own creative muscles and, in turn, benefit others, in the most meaningful, authentic, and lucrative way they can.

During our interview, Cynthia Good, co- founder of Pink Magazine, herself a woman making millions, beautifully described this phenomenon. “I have a visual of business women as race horses lined up behind the gates, ready to take off, and not just take off, but do it on their own terms by being fully themselves. That is the big difference, and that is why they want to take off, because for the first time, it’s fun because we can be who we are.”

Are you having fun yet???

 

November 6, 2007

First Date: Who Pays?

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Finance, Money, Relationships, Women | Tags: , |
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I was just interviewed on an online radio show I want all of you single women to know about. Yvonne Chase created the show—Conversations with Coach Yvonne—to empower single women in every area of life…money being one of those areas. You can listen to my interview with her, along with all her previous shows at http://www.availableandhappy.com

But the point of this blog, being single myself, is a burning question I had for Yvonne, something that’s been plaguing me for years. Who pays for the first date?

Who pays? “I always offer to pay,” she told me. “You’re not in a relationship yet. I wouldn’t expect a girlfriend to pay.”

I used to feel exactly the same. After my divorce 5 years ago, I would always lunge for the check on the first date. It was my way of marking my territory, making sure he understood that I’m a strong, independent woman. I even got offended if he insisted on paying

About a year ago, however, my attitude changed dramatically. I’m not sure why, either. Now, I like it when a man pays the bill. No, I love it. (This feels kind of embarrassing to admit.) I don’t feel this makes me any less independent. I certainly offer to pay on subsequent dates. But it feels so good to be courted.

In fact, I recently had a first date with a very cute guy. But when the check came, he made no attempt to reach for it. Nor did I. Finally, after 20 minutes, I did something that could be construed as manipulative. I went to the bathroom. Lo and behold, he had paid the bill by the time I returned

You know something? That one experience so colored my feelings, I only went out with him a few more times…all of which I paid for, of course!!

Am I being old fashioned?

 

October 2, 2007

When She Makes More Than He…

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Money, Relationships, Salary, Women | Tags: , , , , , |
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Heart in the cold snowA recent NY Times article has created a lot of buzz. Young women, working in major cities, are surging way ahead of men in terms of earnings. This is a great news for a gender that’s long been on the short end of the income stick.

Still, this trend is bound to play havoc in some relationships. For centuries, men’s self esteem has been heavily linked to their financial success…just as women’s sense of femininity has been connected to being taken care of. Sure times have changed radically…but some egos are having trouble making the transition.

And it’s not just men who are having a hard time…women are too. I’ve talked with a lot of women, ambitious as they are, who secretly resent their husband’s inability to bring in the big bucks.

Jean Chatsky wrote a terrific article on keeping your relationship intact when your man earns less. She offers 5 tips:

  1. Talk and listen
  2. Be his biggest cheerleader
  3. Open yours, mine, and ours accounts
  4. Focus on the endgame (i.e. your dreams and goals)
  5. Recognize that marriage changes things

Excellent advice. Of the 5, I believe #1 is the critical piece. Especially the listening part. We all know it’s important to communicate. But fearful people can be vicious. Not because they’re mean-spirited, but because they’re scared. Make no mistake—role reversal can be scary because it threatens the status quo.

Successful communication means allowing anger, even rage, to be expressed…without taking it personally. It requires the willingness to tell your truth, blow off steam, express your fear and anger without the other person getting defensive, but listening with compassion and nonjudgement. Not easy, by any means.

I’d love to hear from those of you who have had these kind of discussions…what’s worked and what hasn’t??

 

September 21, 2007

Financial Abuse is a Form of Domestic Violence

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Earning, Finance, Money, Relationships, Support, Women
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WeddingI’m really excited about a groundbreaking project—The Allstate Foundations Domestic Violence Program. They’ve hired me as their spokesperson.

For the first time, a large corporation is addressing an issue on a national level that no one’s talking about—Financial Abuse.

We tend to think of domestic violence as physical, emotional, and verbal. Yet financial abuse is just as insidious and dangerous….perhaps even more so because we don’t recognize it.

For years, I was the victim of financial abuse. And I had no idea. The signs were there. I just didn’t see them.

For example: My husband controlled the amount of money I had access to. He refused to discuss our finances with me, and withheld important information and documents. He got us into illegal deals, “forgot” to pay taxes that were in my name, racked up a huge debt, then left the country, so I was left holding the bag! I was so embarrassed and ashamed of my ignorance, I told no one what was going on.

According to a recent poll by The Allstate Foundation, the number one reason victims stay with their abusers is financial instability. So The Allstate Foundation is doing something about this horrific problem. Aside from raising public awareness and thought leadership, they’ve created 2 amazing programs:

  • A financial education curriculum designed especially for advocates and survivors of domestic abuse.
  • An Education and Job Training Fund that provides women with immediate grants for finding work or improving their skills.

You can find out more on www.econempowerment.org. If you are in immediate danger, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233) .

Please spread the word. According to a 2006 Allstate Foundation national poll, over 74% of us know someone who is the victim of domestic violence. Now you can help.

 

September 20, 2007

Compatibility is the Key

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Earning, Finance, Money, Relationships, Women
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Here’s some good advice for all single women. When you start dating someone, find out first thing if you are financially compatible. True, conversations about money can be awkward, especially in the beginning of a relationship. But, according to an article from the Detroit Free Press titled: In Romance or Finance, Compatibility is the Key…money matters should be addressed sooner rather than later.

Talk“If you wait until after you’ve fallen madly in love, it may be too late to extricate yourself,” said Ginita Wall, co-founder of the Women’s Institute for Financial Education.

I couldn’t agree more. Here’s the good news. According to the article, if you’re not ready to talk turkey, at least look for signs that you’re well-suited. For example:

  • Ask about their past experiences, their early memories with money, or how their parents handled finances.
  • Pay attention to their spending habits, and if you’re comfortable with them.
  • Notice how they pay for purchases: cash, debit, or credit.
  • Consider if their lifestyle makes sense. “A person’s choice of car, clothes, and home are obvious conversation starters,” notes one expert.

Love may be blind. But when it comes to money, you’re really smart to keep your eyes wide open.