Money

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September 3, 2009

The Continuing Saga of Sharing Financial Statements – Part I

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, dating, Money, Relationships, wealth, Women | Tags: , , |
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It’s been several weeks since I asked for advice on the ‘right’ time to  share financial statements with my boyfriend.  Well you gave it to me!!  And as a result, I had three big “Aha’s.”

  • 1st Aha:  Clearly this subject touched a nerve.  I was astounded by how many of you responded— by email, on my site,  and in Facebook.
  • 2nd Aha:  I’m still amazed at my reticence.  I  sent my boyfriend the blog, which stimulated an interesting discussion… but we have yet to “go all the way” (by sharing our statements).
  • 3rd Aha:  I’m noticing how easy (and apropos) it is to use sexual metaphors when describing money discussions between couples.   Hmmmmm… perhaps the subject for another blog?

As for your responses…

First, deep thanks to all who replied!! It was beyond fabulous to realize how many of you could relate to my dilemma.

What I found most fascinating, however, was the vast range of comments. They were all across the board— from one extreme; (“Say nothing!” and “It’s not his concern”), to the other; (“Never hold back anything” and “If you can’t come from a place of profound honesty, you’re not ready to make the commitment”).   Several of you suggested drawing up an agreement with our respective lawyers, kind of like a prenuptial for live-ins.  And quite a few of you remarked that the conversation about sharing expenses was far more important than sharing financial statements.

Without a doubt, the overwhelming majority were in the “full disclosure” camp, warning me that intimacy requires openness.

My favorite came from author Manisha Thakor, whose new book (due out this December) is aptly titled: Get Financially Naked: How to Talk Money with Your Honey. You gotta’ love that title!!!  And it’s hard to argue with her premise.

“If you’re willing to take your clothes off together one way,” Manisha wrote, “you should be prepared to take them off financially speaking as well.”  (This gives a lot of credence to my 3rd aha!)

Her advice:  “Go for it.  Do the thing that these days is even more intimate than sex — talk about money together.  Get the pink elephant of money out into the center of the room and demystify it.  Otherwise, like termites eating away at the foundation of your relationship, little nagging doubts or questions about each others finances could end up destroying what is currently a beautiful home life.”

I agree with every word she says.  Yet, I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t open up and spill the whole can of beans to my boyfriend.   Nor could he.  But we did take a few baby steps… and I’ll share some of them with you in my next post.

Maybe, by then, I’ll figure out why neither of us were willing to “go all the way” yet.

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
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www.barbarastanny.com

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August 31, 2009

Putting Some FUN Into Finances! Part II

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Book, Career, Empower, Inspiration, Money, Savings, Support, Women | Tags: , |
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Join me in the inspiring tale of a woman (I’ll call her Jane) who discovered the stunning power of women joining with other women to take their financial lives higher.

I’ve never met Jane.  But recently, she emailed me to say a good friend started an Overcoming Underearning® Book Club, and she became a member.  Five women meet monthly, at 7:30am for “OU Power Breakfasts.” The group reads one financial book a month.  I am proud to report the first was mine — Overcoming Underearning®.  Next was On My Own Two Feet: A Modern Girl’s Guide to Personal Finance by Manisha Thakor and Sharon Kedar.

Here’s how the club works:  “We have assignments for our breakfasts, like writing our Contracts with Ourselves and our Wish Lists to share with the group.  We also share our successes in the group in person and via email.  We often include some variation of  “underearning is no longer an option!”  in emails!

“I feel AMAZING afterwards.  It gives me such a boost throughout the day, knowing that I had done something really great for myself and spent time with supportive, uplifting, inspiring friends before going to work.”
But the group gave Jane more than good feelings.  It gave her guts.

“I have a job where I’ve done several extra assignments over the past few years,” she explained, “but have never gotten paid extra for them. I was initially told there was no extra compensation for them and I never asked again.  I was happy for the exposure.”

After she turned in her latest extra assignment, however, her supervisor asked Jane to do more revisions.  The request followed her first book club.  Bolstered by the Power Breakfast, she refused to do more because she wasn’t getting compensated.

Guess what happened?

“My supervisor then said, ‘We can compensate you!’ and within a week all the email approvals had been done to process me getting paid.”

Like most people, she had just assumed a bad economy precluded any extra pay.

“In this climate of cost-cutting I initially did not think that this was going to be possible, but once I verbalized it I realized how much work I had done and that I deserved to get paid, and felt confident that I would. This was a turning point for me in terms of now getting compensated separately for the extra work I do within my company, outside of the responsibilities of my job.”

But the story doesn’t end there.  Her credit card debt, once $10,000,  “is now under $1,000 and I am very close to paying it off altogether, and when I do I’m going to have a party – I will invite you and if you’re in New York I would love to have you there!”

I’d love to come. There’s nothing more inspiring than being around women empowering other women.  If you’ve had any successes with similar groups, I’d love to hear about them!!!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

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August 27, 2009

Putting Some FUN into Finances! Part I

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Empower, Finance, Invest, Money, Support | Tags: , |
[2] Comments 

I remember, back in the 80’s — when I was struggling to understand money — I started an Investment Club.

Every month a group of about 12 friends got together, usually at my house. Someone brought treats, and we’d spend an hour or so discussing stocks… along with girl talk, gossip and romantic updates.  It was a great way to put the Fun into finances while doing some serious learning.  I really did learn a lot.

However, as I also learned, Investment Clubs can be complicated, time-consuming, and sometimes, contentious. They require co-mingling money, reaching a consensus on stock picking, and a serious time commitment, especially for the officers.

I’ve come to see there’s another— arguably better— way to combine socializing and studying.  Financial Book Clubs.  What makes them better? These clubs are less work and focus on far more than just investing.

I wrote an earlier blog on this topic… http://barbarastannyblog.com/page/7/ But I just got an email that brought it to mind again.  (Emails make such great fodder for blogs!) I was inspired… and I thought you would be too.

In my next post I’ll tell you about;  “One woman’s tale of Overcoming Underearning by joining a Financial Book Club”… stay tuned!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

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August 24, 2009

Is It Time To Share Financial Statements?

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, dating, Money, Relationships, wealth, Women | Tags: , , , |
[20] Comments 

I feel like I’m entering new territory here.  I’m usually the one answering your questions.  But now, I really need YOUR advice.  I sincerely mean that.  I’ve got a dilemma… and I’m not sure what to do, if anything.

As I vowed last month (http://barbarastannyblog.com/2009/07/17/the-retreat-to-), I am using this blog to be more authentic, especially around money.  So here I am… revealing myself and requesting your help.

Here’s the situation.  I’ve been dating My Man for a year and a half.  We’re talking about moving in together.   He’s definitely the love of my life, the person I want to grow old with, perfect for me in so many ways.  We don’t want to get married.  I’ve already done that twice (he, once), and we see no reason to do it again.

Here’s where I’m struggling.  At what point do I have “THE TALK” with my  boyfriend? Or do I even need to?

I’m referring to The Money Talk.  You know, that point where I show him mine and he shows me his… networth, that is.

My income is decidedly more than his… which makes sense since he was laid off earlier this year and is starting a whole new career.  While he’s never been a good saver, he’s a very frugal spender and quite responsible financially, with no credit card debt.  Neither one of us have a problem with the fact that I have more money.  But neither of us knows how much the other one has.

If we were getting married, it’d be a no-brainer.  We’d be baring our bank statements before we ever traded “I-Do’s. ”  But does co-habitating, when there’s no co-mingling of money, require the same financial transparency?  I figure, if I’m wrestling with this, others must be also.

Talk to me people… this is a tough one for me.  I need your feedback!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

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August 14, 2009

More on Greatness… and Fear!

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Empower, Inspiration, Money | Tags: , , |
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Inspired by those “Life is Good” t-shirts, I’m launching a new campaign.  And I invite you to join me.  I’m calling it: “Fear is Good”.

As I see it, Fear has gotten a bum rap and a bad rep.  Maybe it’s leftover from our Neanderthal heritage, when hungry predators were a constant hazard.

But times have changed. And so has fear’s function.  Problem is, few of us have figured that out.  We feel the fear, and either freeze or take flight.  We don’t realize that, in modern times, Fear is rarely a sign that our survival is being threatened.

These days, the only survival being threatened is usually our egos.  Fear has a new purpose now — to warn us of approaching Greatness.  And as I’m personally discovering, we’re as afraid of our Greatness as our ancestors were of carnivorous beasts… maybe more.

So, I’m on a crusade to change that.  It’s a fact… Fear is the clearest signal we will get that we’re on the precipice of greater success, greater happiness, greater impact.

Imagine if more of us finally realized that Fear is nothing to fear.  Quite the opposite.  Fear is Good.   Imagine if every time we got scared, instead of freaking out, we gave each other a big high-five and exclaimed: “YES! We’re on our way to Greatness.”

As for my Fear is Good campaign, our motto is:  Fear is My Friend.  And there’s only one requirement for membership.  Every time you get scared, you shout, at the top of your lungs:  “I go where I fear!”  And off you go… in the direction of your fear, in search of your Greatness.

Fear is every high-achiever’s best friend.  Fear, especially for women, is often a prelude to financial success.  Fear is a cosmic finger pointing the way to victory.  Fear is Good!  Can I sign you up?

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

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August 10, 2009

The $100 Savings Challange

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Economy, Inspiration, Money, Savings, wealth | Tags: , , |
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Just as the cherry blossoms were bursting into bloom, Obama was issuing instructions to his cabinet:  cut $100 million from the budget.  Three months later, mission accomplished — $102 million in expenses had been slashed.

When I read this in the Wall Street Journal, http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124882436513388423.html,  my immediate reaction:  “Why hasn’t the media made more of this fact?”   We hear, ad nauseum, about the stimulus (read: spending) packages, dragging the nation deeper into debt.  But what about these recent efforts to save money?  Now, in my mind, that’s news!!

Granted, that $102 billion is a microscopic portion of the general deficit, 0.0006%.  But the real story is how quickly and seamlessly government made those cuts… and the public never even felt the pinch.  If a giant bureaucracy can do that, certainly each one of us can too.

Washington called this program “The $100 Million Savings Challenge.” Imagine if you began your own “$100 (you determine the zero’s) Savings Challenge?”  Imagine if you started today, right now, shaving small amounts from your spending every month.  Then imagine if you took it one step further, and stashed the savings in the bank.  Imagine what that would do for your personal fortune!

There is a saying; “It’s easier to find 500 ways to save $1, than one way to save $500“.  That’s exactly what these government heads did: found all kinds of ways to trim small amounts.  For example, making double-sided photocopies, emailing documents instead of printing them, cutting unused phone lines.  Small.  Simple.  Painless.  Very effective.

I’ve always said, small steps consistently taken create remarkable results. Now what about you? What teeny-tiny cuts can you begin making right now? I’d love to hear your ideas.

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

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July 10, 2009

5 Tips For Earning What You Really Deserve

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Business, Earning, Empower, Inspiration, Money, Salary, wealth | Tags: , , |
[10] Comments 

Want to make more money?  Well, I’ve got the secret.  And I’ll bet it’s not what you think.

It sure wasn’t what I expected when I interviewed hundreds of high earners for my books; Secrets of Six-Figure Women and Overcoming Underearning®. Very few of these highly successful women were driven by money, yet they still demanded to be well compensated because – and here’s the Big Secret – they felt they were worth it.

The good news is that it’s possible for all of us to build up our self worth. Here are some tips for pumping up your self-esteem along with your net worth:

1. Think Big, Then Think Even Bigger

What most of us do is unwittingly limit our earnings by lowering our expectations.  Especially women.  The idea is to think in terms of what you are worth, not just what you assume the market will bear.

2. Do Your Homework

One of the worst negotiating mistakes women make is picking a number out of the air that’s way too low.  The smarter ones find out their market value by researching the going rates, then ask for more than is offered so they’ll have room to maneuver and negotiate.

3.  Take the Initiative

Have tangible evidence of what you bring to the table.  Maybe you saved your company x-amount of dollars or had an idea that generated so many sales. Every time you accept more responsibility, successfully complete a challenge or create positive changes, document it.  Keeping records is an effective means of demonstrating your value to an organization.

4.  Daily Affirmations – Act As If

Affirmations are positive statements expressed as if they’ve already happened.  For example: “I have the confidence to ask for what I want” or
“I deserve more money in my life“.   Write them down.  Post them in full view. Say them out loud as often as possible.  When you act as if you’re worth a lot, you’ll eventually convince yourself as well as others.

5.  Challenge yourself in other areas

A stretch in any area of life has a ripple effect in other areas as well.  If you can’t quite get yourself to volunteer for that tough assignment or ask for a raise, try signing up for an art class or running a marathon.  Anything that puts you out of your comfort zone builds confidence and self-worth.

By practicing these tips, you’ll begin to notice a shift in how you feel about yourself.  Making more money becomes not something you should do, but something you have to do – because you know in your heart you’re worth it.

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

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June 26, 2009

It May Be Time To Let Go!

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, debt problems, Empower, Inspiration, Money | Tags: , , , , |
[5] Comments 

Want to kick things up a notch (or 2 or 3) in your life? Ask yourself this: “What do I need to let go of?”  Seriously.   “Letting go” is a profound strategy few people fully understand.

When you pinpoint what’s holding you back, and are willing to let it go, miracles occur.  There is one catch, however.  Usually, the very thing you most need to let go of, is that which is most scary to give up.

Let me give you an example.  This just occurred in my latest Overcoming Underearning® teleclass (see www.barbarastanny.com/coaching-tele-seminars).  One woman, let’s call her Dee, was desperate to get out of debt.  Her main problem – her house was more than she could afford, but she couldn’t bear to let it go.  Her home was her sanctuary,  a retreat from the world,  tucked away in a little village that was nearby, but felt worlds away from the big city. Her closest friends were her neighbors.  She never had to lock her doors.  How could she  ever leave this?

Yet as our class continued, it became clear.  Dee needed to sell the house.  It broke her heart, but it was the right thing to do.   From that point on, things happened quickly.

She’d sat down to write a newspaper ad  when there was a knock on the door.  A man introduced himself as the father of her next-door neighbor.  He wondered  if, by any chance, she’d sell her house.  Dee’s jaw dropped, but she kept her cool.  They closed the deal, that very day, for $15,000 above what would’ve been her asking price.  And the man paid cash (yes, a big wad of cash now sits in the bank).

Dee’s bound to miss her house. But she won’t miss the debt.  And the relief  in her voice was palpable.  In fact, she was down right giddy.  Besides, she’s surprisingly excited about looking for houses in her price range.

The moral of this story?  The next time you feel stuck or weighted down, instead of asking; “What do I need to do?” Ask yourself; “What do I need to let go of?” Then take the leap and watch for the miracle… and please share your story with me!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

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June 10, 2009

Start Reading The Wall Street Journal, Now!

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Business, Economy, Finance, Invest, Money, Politics, wealth | Tags: , , , |
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Note to financial neophytes—don’t let theStart Reading The Wall Street Journal - Now! Wall Street Journal intimidate you.  It’s a fabulous learning tool…and offers some fascinating reading… for everyone, no matter how much, or how little, you know.  http://online.wsj.com/home-page

Sure it’s full of, what may appear to some, as indecipherable gobbly-gook, written in ‘broker-speak.’  But the WSJ is a very powerful resource, so ignore all of that and focus on the following:

1.      Peruse the front page.  Every once in a while there are some great human interest stories about the good, bad, and especially the greedy.  Plus, the side-bar on the left is like “Current Events for Dummies”… a collection of news snippets giving you a speedy update  to the latest news (financial and otherwise).

2.      Glance over the following two sections: Marketplace and Money& Investing.  A quick peek is all you need. You’ll be amazed at how much you’ll pick up just by osmosis.

3.      Savor the fourth section (called by different names depending on the day of the week): Personal Journal (Tuesday-Friday); The Journal Report (Monday);  Weekend Journal (Saturday).  This section is loaded with easy-to-read,  often fascinating,  and always useful  tidbits….everything from fashion, sports and personal finance to restaurant, wine and  book reviews.

Let’s take Monday’s WSJ’s Journal Report (theme for this report was “Your Money Matters”).  The front page article was Best Online Tools for Personal Finance, and it was chock full of excellent (and free) website recommendations.

Even if the only thing you do is glance at the Wall Street Journal everyday for 3 months, you’ll be amazed at how much you learn!  Don’t be intimated.  The Wall Street Journal is a great resource, and a must read if you’re serious about upping your personal “financial awareness quotient”!   Try it and report back.
Barbara Stanny
The leading authority on women & money
www.barbarastanny.com

 

June 1, 2009

Can The “Secret” Really Work?

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Career, Empower, Inspiration, Money, wealth | Tags: , , , |
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I’m a big fan of The Secret.  I’ve watched the DVD at least 50 times.  This wildly successful video and book introduced the “Law of Attraction” (LOA) to millions of people.   And that’s a very good thing…to a point.Can the Secret really work?

Simply put, the Law of Attraction says:  Our thoughts create our reality.  What we focus on expands.  In other words, if you want to be rich, don’t focus on lack of wealth.

But here’s where it gets confusing.  How many people (you, maybe?) really want wealth,  and refuse to focus on anything but abundance… yet still,  nothing changes.   Their bills pile up while their bank balance shrivels.

What the Secret failed to mention is that the LOA is only part of the equation for creating wealth.  What’s missing are the other 2 Laws:

1.       The Law of Discipline
2.       The Law of Congruency

#1. The Law of Discipline.  Discipline — consistent activity in the direction of your desire — is the root of all success.  You can visualize flowers blooming, hitting a hole in one, or wads of cash,  but unless you exercise disciplined effort and pull the weeds, practice your putt, or follow the rules of money (spend less, save more, invest wisely), you’re not going to succeed at anything.

#2.  The Law of Congruency.  You get what you want not what you ask for.   For example, you may say “I want to be rich,” but if you distrust wealthy people, don’t believe you deserve wealth, or see money as the root of all evil, then wealth isn’t really what you want.  This inner discord explains why affirmations or positive thinking, as powerful as they are, don’t always work… your spoken goals are in conflict with your true desires, and deep down, you don’t actually want what you’re asking for.

Whenever I’m wondering why I’m not attracting something, I always ask myself 2 questions, in this order:

1.       Why don’t I want it?

2.       What am I not doing, that I need to be doing?

Try it, and let me know what you think!  And for more help and support in achieving your financial and personal desires, check out the schedule of Tele-seminars listed on my website!

 

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