Inspiration

Archived Posts from this Category

March 30, 2010

The Beginners Guide to Surrender–in 6 Simple Steps

Posted by barbarastanny under Career, Inspiration, Money | Tags: , , , , |
[2] Comments 

Surrender is NOT for sissies.  Surrender, by definition, means relinquishing control…a frightening concept for us control freaks.  Surrender drops you swiftly into a sea of uncertainty, at the mercy of your worst fears, producing serious doubts about ever being productive again. I’m speaking from experience here.

But, despite the discomfort, I’m fast becoming a fan.  Something happened when I stopped struggling to impose my will and surrendered to receiving guidance–financial success started to feel like a spiritual journey.

Primitive cultures and Eastern Religions had rites and rituals to honor the Time- Between. They took their people out of the villages, into the wilderness, allowing them to connect with their spirit guides, reassess old ways of being, recognize their true purpose.

But no one teaches us, or even encourages, this practice any more.

So, for those of you wishing to take some time out in a rich and rewarding way, I bring you The Beginners Guide to Surrender ( so named because it’s written by a total beginner…me!).  There’s no need to leave your village, or even your job. Just follow these 6 simple (though not easy) steps.

Step #1—Eliminate everything but the most essential.

I remember saying to my guy last winter, “I wish I could take the next month off!”

“Why don’t you?” he responded.

I gasped. Taking time off was unthinkable.  Or was it?  I decided to ease into it slowly, by saying ‘no’ to things that didn’t feed my soul, no matter how lucrative…or tempting.  I said ‘no’ to speaking invitations, ‘no’ to networking opportunities, ‘no’ to new clients, ‘no’ to writing my newsletter and blog.  If anyone asked, I was on sabbatical until further notice.  I continued a little teaching and coaching, but only because I wanted to.

As a result I was left with a lot of down-time…which, of course, is the whole point.

But to many, down-time is a dirty word. And I know why:  we’ll do anything to avoid the dreaded step two.

Coming up: Step #2—Allow uncomfortable feelings to surface.

 

March 24, 2010

Signals of surrender

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Career, Empower, Goals, Inspiration, Women | Tags: , , |
1 Comment 

How do you know when it’s time to surrender?

In my case, I just felt ‘blah’, squeezed dry, devoid of creativity, lacking the passion that once was so prominent.  These feelings sort of snuck up on me, caught me by surprise, sometime last summer.

My coach, Martha Lynn Walker, suggested I take a retreat, get a way for a few days. I did and blogged about it earlier –  http://barbarastannyblog.com/2009/12/16/it%E2%80%99s-a-miracle/

I returned reinvigorated, back in the groove. Or so I thought. A few months later, my business partner and I split up. At that point, I really felt lost.

I knew, right then, my “blahs” and the break-up were more than isolated incidences. They were wake up calls, signals from my soul, sending me an urgent message: Stop what you’re doing; Pay attention; there’s something you need to know, but you must be quiet enough to hear it.

I wonder how many of you are receiving similar messages, alerting you to the fact  you’ve somehow drifted  off purpose or  perhaps your direction may be morphing into something altogether different. I wonder how many of you haven’t a clue what to do.  Or are horrified at the very thought of taking time out. Well, my friends, I’m here to help.

Coming up next: a Beginners Guide to Surrender

 

December 16, 2009

It’s a miracle!!!

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Empower, Goals, Inspiration, Women, miracles, writing
[3] Comments 

I sat down to write my December newsletter last week.  I intended the subject to be “Creating a Life Vision”…you know, with the new year around the corner.

But the first words I typed took me by surprise:

“I’ve been feeling restless lately. Unsettled. Out of sorts.”

That’s not at all what I’d expected to say! And you know what? I love when that happens….when writing turns into a voyage of self discovery. I decided to let the words flow and see what unfolded.
“Whenever I feel like this,” I continued, “it can only mean one thing. I need time to reflect…to hear what my soul is yearning to tell me.”

I promise you, that wasn’t what I wanted to hear…even though I knew it was the truth. I was craving solitude, but had no time for a time out. I had a gazillion things to do before I flew to Mexico for Christmas, including a business trip to the east coast.

And then my fingers, flying across the keys, made a pronouncement.  They (my fingers, not me!) publicly committed “to take time out, this month…even though at this moment, I have no idea how I’ll do it.”

I’m here to tell you, I was ready to hit the delete button on that one. There was virtually no room in my schedule for a retreat.  But I went ahead and sent out the newsletter. Then the damnedest thing happened.

The next day, I got an email from the East Coast client with the subject heading: No Travel. They cancelled the event, at the very last minute.

Suddenly, I had a few unscheduled days.  Instead of filling them with busyness, as I normally would, I sunk into the empty space like a tub of warm water, soaking in the luxury of unstructured time.

I share this with you because I promised to blog about it. But also, I share this as a reminder… not only of the power of commitment, but also the often pointless effort of trying to figure out how something’s going to happen.  My experience proves what Johann Wolfgang von Goethe  told us long ago:

“The moment one definitely commits oneself, providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.

A whole stream of events issue from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man (or woman) could have dreamed would have come his (or her) way.”

Don’t you just love when miracles occur? Do you have any you’d care to share?

 

November 6, 2009

And the Winner is….

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Finance, Inspiration, Money, Savings, Support, Women, debt problems
[3] Comments 

Long time…no blog!  Did you miss me?

In case you were you wondering what happened (or not), I’ve been waiting…for all your contest submissions to flow in.

Remember?  In my last blog, I asked you: How have you overcome inertia in your financial life…without waiting to be hit over the head with a sledgehammer? The winner would get a mouse pad.

To all who entered, thank you. There were some great ideas.

To all of you who are struggling with inertia and haven’t a clue what to do, help is here…take a look:

  • Honorable mention goes to Tracy, who quoted a bumper sticker: “Debt is Normal. Be Weird.” Great words to live by!!!!
  • Third runner up is Donna, for calling me “a genius for starting this contest.” …in all due modesty.
  • Second runner up is a financial coach, Michele, who advocated hiring a “financial coach like us.” Makes sense to me!
  • First runner up is Barbara W. who declared  “a deadline can be a powerful force against inertia, even if it’s self-imposed.” For example, she suggests, “agree with a friend to update your wills by the end of November, and schedule cocktails to celebrate.”  Cheers to that idea!
  • The Winner is: Laurie, who suggested a great exercise: “write down the best things that could happen if you change what you’re doing now AND the worst things that could happen if you don’t change. Then share the results with one person and receive feedback.”  This is quite an eye-opener!

Congratulations, Laurie…if you email me your address, I’ll send you a bright red mouse pad that says “Scare Yourself Every Day!!! You’ll be the envy of the office. But let them know, they too can order one on my website: www.barbarastanny.com. Come to think of it, those mouse pads would make great Xmas gifts.

 

September 29, 2009

Contest Announcement, For All Blog Readers: Best Ways to Break Inertia

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Inspiration, Money, Support, debt problems | Tags: , |
[5] Comments 

Just hung up from talking to a man who’d hired me to speak to a large group of employees.

The purpose of the event, he told me, is to reach out and educate these people about their Deferred Compensation Benefit Plan.

The problem, he explained, is that members were only putting in the small minimum amount each pay period. They wanted to encourage participants to increase their contributions and understand what they’re investing in.

The real issue, he admits: “How do you break their inertia?”

Isn’t that the Big Question for all of us when it comes to money?  (And a lot of other things, I suppose!)

How do we break our inertia?

Most people do it the way I did—by waiting for a crisis. There’s nothing like a catastrophe to kick us out of our stupor. For me, it was a whopping tax bill following my divorce.

Why didn’t I take action when I first found out my husband was grossly mismanaging my money? Why did I wait and put my whole family in jeopardy?

Truth be told, inertia, like ignorance, can be bliss. But the penalty for procrastination is not pretty.

So I ask you:  How have you overcome inertia in your financial life…without waiting to be hit over the head with a sledgehammer? What advice would you give a roomful of foot-draggers?

In fact, let’s make this a contest. A prize goes to the winner with the best suggestion.

The prize: a bright red mouse pad that boldly declares: Scare Yourself Every Day.

Come to think of it, that just might be the best solution for fighting inertia!!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

Sign up for Barbara’s free newsletter at

http://barbarastanny.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

 

September 21, 2009

What Are You Afraid Of?

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Empower, Inspiration, Support | Tags: , |
Leave a Comment 

I just ran across a brand new blog…and am eager to share it with you.

Admittedly, I “ran into” it  because the writer credited my book, Secrets of Six-Figure Women, for motivating her to blog. (Google sends me an alert whenever my name appears on the web.)  But enough about me…

If you’re looking for an extra shot of courage, I urge you to visit  http://amanda-whatareyouafraidof.blogspot.com/ Especially if you’re an aspiring writer…or an aspiring whatever….

All her life, Amanda wanted to be a writer…but never did anything about it, other than make excuses for why she couldn’t.  After reading my book, however, she had an epiphany–she was just plain scared…of failure, of rejection, of not doing it right, of what others would think.

At that moment, Amanda realized, “We would rather stay exactly where we are—even if we’re miserable—because the thought of taking a risk and shaking things up scares us far more than a life of being comfortably numb.”

And at that moment, Amanda knew she had the “perfect subject for a blog—fear.”  She started blogging with 2 goals in mind: 1) to overcome some of her fears, and 2) help others do the same.” And you know what? She’s actually doing it!!!

If you’re wrestling with fear (and who isn’t, to some degree?), I invite you to check out  Amanda’s blog and let me know what you think!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

Sign up for Barbara’s free newsletter at

http://barbarastanny.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

 

September 9, 2009

Sharing Financial Statements… Sort Of!

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Inspiration, Money, Relationships, Women, dating | Tags: , |
[2] Comments 

I sent him my blog the moment it was posted… the one about  sharing our financial statements before he moves in.  I made him read it while still on the phone.  I was nervous for his reaction.  After all, I was  putting him, and our relationship,  in the (kind of) public eye.  His response was typical of a man with high self esteem.

“This is great,” he said and meant it.

“So,“ I said taking a deep breath, “Do you want to have The Talk?”

“Sure,” he replied without hesitation. “Let’s do it this weekend.”

Two weekends later, we still haven’t “Talked.”  My Man and I are extremely close.  We discuss everything, unabashedly.  Yet when it comes to money, we keep tip-toeing around the topic.

What we’ve done is have a tepid conversation sprinkled with some tiny revelations.  I threw out a vague number about how much I’m worth.  He did the same.  I mentioned something about diversifying my assets, but being heavy in cash.  He, in turn, shared his disciplined approach to making retirement contributions.   He even said he’s looking forward to seeing how I’ve invested.  But we’ve both been reluctant to reveal specifics.  I consider the conversation we had a good starter step.  But why haven’t we ‘gone all the way?’

Truthfully,  I’m mystified by my avoidance.  All I have to do is take my latest financial statement out of the folder, hand it to him, and say “Here it is.  Let’s talk,” and there’s no doubt in my mind, he’d do the same, in a heartbeat.  But I haven’t.

Reminds me of the letter to Ann Landers from a woman who wanted to ask her boyfriend to help pay for her birth control, but didn’t feel she knew him well enough to ask!

I laughed when I first read that.  Sure, it’s scary for most people  to talk money.  But I never put myself in that category!!!  I mean,  for the last 12 years I’ve been writing about money, consistently telling women:  “It’s our secrecy and silence that keeps us stuck.”

Now, here I am, doing the secrecy-and-silence-thing… and I’m truly shocked. Is it because he’s so resistant?  Or is that my projection?  Does our mutual reluctance come from our disparity in income?  Or is there a lot of old baggage weighing each of us down?

I think it’s time to walk my talk!  Stay tuned.  As always, your insight and advice is welcomed.

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

Sign up for Barbara’s free newsletter at

http://barbarastanny.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

 

August 31, 2009

Putting Some FUN Into Finances! Part II

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Book, Career, Empower, Inspiration, Money, Savings, Support, Women | Tags: , |
[2] Comments 

Join me in the inspiring tale of a woman (I’ll call her Jane) who discovered the stunning power of women joining with other women to take their financial lives higher.

I’ve never met Jane.  But recently, she emailed me to say a good friend started an Overcoming Underearning® Book Club, and she became a member.  Five women meet monthly, at 7:30am for “OU Power Breakfasts.” The group reads one financial book a month.  I am proud to report the first was mine — Overcoming Underearning®.  Next was On My Own Two Feet: A Modern Girl’s Guide to Personal Finance by Manisha Thakor and Sharon Kedar.

Here’s how the club works:  “We have assignments for our breakfasts, like writing our Contracts with Ourselves and our Wish Lists to share with the group.  We also share our successes in the group in person and via email.  We often include some variation of  “underearning is no longer an option!”  in emails!

“I feel AMAZING afterwards.  It gives me such a boost throughout the day, knowing that I had done something really great for myself and spent time with supportive, uplifting, inspiring friends before going to work.”
But the group gave Jane more than good feelings.  It gave her guts.

“I have a job where I’ve done several extra assignments over the past few years,” she explained, “but have never gotten paid extra for them. I was initially told there was no extra compensation for them and I never asked again.  I was happy for the exposure.”

After she turned in her latest extra assignment, however, her supervisor asked Jane to do more revisions.  The request followed her first book club.  Bolstered by the Power Breakfast, she refused to do more because she wasn’t getting compensated.

Guess what happened?

“My supervisor then said, ‘We can compensate you!’ and within a week all the email approvals had been done to process me getting paid.”

Like most people, she had just assumed a bad economy precluded any extra pay.

“In this climate of cost-cutting I initially did not think that this was going to be possible, but once I verbalized it I realized how much work I had done and that I deserved to get paid, and felt confident that I would. This was a turning point for me in terms of now getting compensated separately for the extra work I do within my company, outside of the responsibilities of my job.”

But the story doesn’t end there.  Her credit card debt, once $10,000,  “is now under $1,000 and I am very close to paying it off altogether, and when I do I’m going to have a party – I will invite you and if you’re in New York I would love to have you there!”

I’d love to come. There’s nothing more inspiring than being around women empowering other women.  If you’ve had any successes with similar groups, I’d love to hear about them!!!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

Sign up for Barbara’s free newsletter at

http://barbarastanny.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

 

August 17, 2009

Saving Can Be Sexy!

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Empower, Inspiration, Savings, debt problems | Tags: , , |
[2] Comments 

The Money/Happiness debate continues.  Just today,  USAToday http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-08-05-happiness-apa-money_N.htm asked the age old question, yet again:  Does money bring happiness?  Well, I’m here to resolve this issue, once and for all! (drum roll, please).

Money does NOT make you happier.  But poverty doesn’t either.  What  DOES  make you happier?: taking control of your money, instead of allowing your money to control you!

Let me give you an example.  Here was  a woman (a successful attorney),  who for the last three years,  felt helpless,  hopeless,  and (obviously) very unhappy as her life,  and her debt,  spiraled out of control.

Then, last month, she called me for coaching.  We’ve only had 3 sessions so far.  And most of our time was spent dealing with her resistance (“I’m NOT going to change my lifestyle,” she told me firmly) and getting her out of denial (“OMG, I’m spending way more than I earn!!”).

Finally, last week, she sprang into action.  I share her latest email with you because its proof positive how much happier life can be when you take charge of your finances.

“I have been working diligently to shave my monthly expenses and I am having a blast!” she wrote.

Of course, it wasn’t easy, she admits. “One thing I will say:  it’s a lot of work and takes a lot of discipline to save money,  and was much easier to stay in debt – which is how the system is designed.  But I like the power I feel now much better.  Saving money is actually making me feel very sexy, and probably the sexiest thing I have ever done!”

You’ve got to admit—she’s one happy camper!!!  How did she do it?  With this 7 Step Formula.  She:

  • Opened a savings account:   “$10 per month is automatically transferred from checking,”
  • Cut spending:   “I shaved $1400 from my monthly expenses.”
  • Stopped using cards, even her debit card:  “I was using my debit card the way people use their credit cards and it was getting me into trouble.  I cut it up.”
  • Negotiated with creditors:  “I am working liking crazy with my credit card companies” to decrease rates.
  • Created a spending plan:  “I figured out how much money I needed this month by category and have gotten out the appropriate amount of cash, put paper clips and sticky notes to each allotted amount, and that is all I can spend.”
  • Stuck to her budget no matter what, even during a major move:   “In the past I would have just gotten out my credit card, charged the move and said I would deal with it later.  Now I am planning, looking at all of the expenses and figuring out the best steps and ways to save money.”
  • Followed the coincidences (which always occur when you start taking charge):  “On top of this, I just landed a HUGE new client in Santa Fe, NM -  out of the blue, of course.”

Ultimately, this woman created her own happiness by making 2 crucial changes:  she changed her behavior along with her attitude.

Getting out of debt, she told me, has become “such a fun game.  It’s amazing to see where my money goes!  Wow - to be conscious is incredible. Thanks Barbara – I am loving this!”

Don’t YOU want what she’s having??

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

Sign up for Barbara’s free newsletter at

http://barbarastanny.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

 

August 14, 2009

More on Greatness… and Fear!

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Empower, Inspiration, Money | Tags: , , |
Leave a Comment 

Inspired by those “Life is Good” t-shirts, I’m launching a new campaign.  And I invite you to join me.  I’m calling it: “Fear is Good”.

As I see it, Fear has gotten a bum rap and a bad rep.  Maybe it’s leftover from our Neanderthal heritage, when hungry predators were a constant hazard.

But times have changed. And so has fear’s function.  Problem is, few of us have figured that out.  We feel the fear, and either freeze or take flight.  We don’t realize that, in modern times, Fear is rarely a sign that our survival is being threatened.

These days, the only survival being threatened is usually our egos.  Fear has a new purpose now — to warn us of approaching Greatness.  And as I’m personally discovering, we’re as afraid of our Greatness as our ancestors were of carnivorous beasts… maybe more.

So, I’m on a crusade to change that.  It’s a fact… Fear is the clearest signal we will get that we’re on the precipice of greater success, greater happiness, greater impact.

Imagine if more of us finally realized that Fear is nothing to fear.  Quite the opposite.  Fear is Good.   Imagine if every time we got scared, instead of freaking out, we gave each other a big high-five and exclaimed: “YES! We’re on our way to Greatness.”

As for my Fear is Good campaign, our motto is:  Fear is My Friend.  And there’s only one requirement for membership.  Every time you get scared, you shout, at the top of your lungs:  “I go where I fear!”  And off you go… in the direction of your fear, in search of your Greatness.

Fear is every high-achiever’s best friend.  Fear, especially for women, is often a prelude to financial success.  Fear is a cosmic finger pointing the way to victory.  Fear is Good!  Can I sign you up?

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

Sign up for Barbara’s free newsletter at

http://barbarastanny.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

 

Next Page »