Inspiration

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June 26, 2009

It May Be Time To Let Go!

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Empower, Inspiration, Money, debt problems | Tags: , , , , |
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Want to kick things up a notch (or 2 or 3) in your life? Ask yourself this: “What do I need to let go of?”  Seriously.   “Letting go” is a profound strategy few people fully understand.

When you pinpoint what’s holding you back, and are willing to let it go, miracles occur.  There is one catch, however.  Usually, the very thing you most need to let go of, is that which is most scary to give up.

Let me give you an example.  This just occurred in my latest Overcoming Underearning® teleclass (see www.barbarastanny.com/coaching-tele-seminars).  One woman, let’s call her Dee, was desperate to get out of debt.  Her main problem – her house was more than she could afford, but she couldn’t bear to let it go.  Her home was her sanctuary,  a retreat from the world,  tucked away in a little village that was nearby, but felt worlds away from the big city. Her closest friends were her neighbors.  She never had to lock her doors.  How could she  ever leave this?

Yet as our class continued, it became clear.  Dee needed to sell the house.  It broke her heart, but it was the right thing to do.   From that point on, things happened quickly.

She’d sat down to write a newspaper ad  when there was a knock on the door.  A man introduced himself as the father of her next-door neighbor.  He wondered  if, by any chance, she’d sell her house.  Dee’s jaw dropped, but she kept her cool.  They closed the deal, that very day, for $15,000 above what would’ve been her asking price.  And the man paid cash (yes, a big wad of cash now sits in the bank).

Dee’s bound to miss her house. But she won’t miss the debt.  And the relief  in her voice was palpable.  In fact, she was down right giddy.  Besides, she’s surprisingly excited about looking for houses in her price range.

The moral of this story?  The next time you feel stuck or weighted down, instead of asking; “What do I need to do?” Ask yourself; “What do I need to let go of?” Then take the leap and watch for the miracle… and please share your story with me!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

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June 18, 2009

An Amazing Secret For Creating Abundance

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Earning, Empower, Inspiration, wealth | Tags: , , , , , |
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image-sunflowers I made a fascinating discovery in my interviews with women who made millions.  They had a very high capacity to receive… in stark contrast to underearners!  That’s when I realized: There’s a direct correlation between our level of abundance and our ability to receive…

…which got me thinking about my own ability to receive — something I’d never really given much thought to.

As a result, I started a “Receiving Journal”.  I actually conceived the idea of a Receiving Journal for my new High Earner Intensive tele-seminar: www.barbarastanny.com/coaching-tele-seminars .  I assigned it as homework, and decided to try it myself.  OMG, what an eye-opener.

Keeping a Receiving Journal serves the same purpose as tracking your spending.  Both are consciousness raising tools.  But instead of increasing your awareness of money going out, a Receiving Journal forces you to face all the abundance flowing in.

As A Course of Miracles tells us: “Every day a thousand treasures come to me with every passing moment.”   The problem, however, is that the distractions of daily life keep us from noticing those treasures.  Ignoring treasures that flow in is, essentially, an act of pushing them away, of saying ‘no’ to abundance (whatever form it may take).

To fully access the power of a Receiving Journal, you have to understand this: everything that happens holds a gift for the receiver, regardless of whether you judge the event as ‘good’ or  ‘bad’.

Here’s how it works: in your Receiving Journal, write down everything you are given throughout the day:  from a word of praise to a kiss on the cheek, from a muscle spasm in your back to a reprimand from your boss.  The challenge, of course, is to find the treasure  in what may seem awful.  But even the good stuff can be challenging to accept.

For example:  I started noticing how often I’d gloss over expressions of praise or appreciation for my work, without really taking the words in and owning them fully.  So I started listing, in my journal, every compliment, every appreciative email I got.  And when I had a fight with my boyfriend, I actually stopped to figure out the gift (after my short bout with self pity) and discovered I was repeating a pattern that had messed up other relationships. That insight went in my journal too.

I love the impact this is having on my bottom line.  But even more, I’ve never felt so good about myself.  And as I learned from interviews with former underearners, the moment they began raising their self esteem, their income went up almost immediately.   Maybe that’s what a Receiving Journal is all about… not just expanding your ability to receive, but actually learning to love yourself, in a much bigger way. I’ll tell you this… it’s working!!!!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

Sign up for Barbara’s free newsletter at:

www.barbarastanny.com/inner-circle-join.html

 

June 1, 2009

Can The “Secret” Really Work?

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Career, Empower, Inspiration, Money, wealth | Tags: , , , |
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I’m a big fan of The Secret.  I’ve watched the DVD at least 50 times.  This wildly successful video and book introduced the “Law of Attraction” (LOA) to millions of people.   And that’s a very good thing…to a point.Can the Secret really work?

Simply put, the Law of Attraction says:  Our thoughts create our reality.  What we focus on expands.  In other words, if you want to be rich, don’t focus on lack of wealth.

But here’s where it gets confusing.  How many people (you, maybe?) really want wealth,  and refuse to focus on anything but abundance… yet still,  nothing changes.   Their bills pile up while their bank balance shrivels.

What the Secret failed to mention is that the LOA is only part of the equation for creating wealth.  What’s missing are the other 2 Laws:

1.       The Law of Discipline
2.       The Law of Congruency

#1. The Law of Discipline.  Discipline — consistent activity in the direction of your desire — is the root of all success.  You can visualize flowers blooming, hitting a hole in one, or wads of cash,  but unless you exercise disciplined effort and pull the weeds, practice your putt, or follow the rules of money (spend less, save more, invest wisely), you’re not going to succeed at anything.

#2.  The Law of Congruency.  You get what you want not what you ask for.   For example, you may say “I want to be rich,” but if you distrust wealthy people, don’t believe you deserve wealth, or see money as the root of all evil, then wealth isn’t really what you want.  This inner discord explains why affirmations or positive thinking, as powerful as they are, don’t always work… your spoken goals are in conflict with your true desires, and deep down, you don’t actually want what you’re asking for.

Whenever I’m wondering why I’m not attracting something, I always ask myself 2 questions, in this order:

1.       Why don’t I want it?

2.       What am I not doing, that I need to be doing?

Try it, and let me know what you think!  And for more help and support in achieving your financial and personal desires, check out the schedule of Tele-seminars listed on my website!

 

March 11, 2009

Do You Suffer From Financial Loss Syndrome?

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Economy, Inspiration, Money, debt problems | Tags: , , , |
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Who pays?Who hasn’t been effected by the economic crisis?    And now there’s a name for what you may be feeling.   Financial Loss Syndrome (FLS).   My good friend, and financial advisor extraordinaire, Victoria Collins identified this malady in a recent article:

https://www.kellerinvest.com/KELLER/WEB/me.get?WEB.websections.show&SCH3305_312

“FLS is a group of symptoms we observed in clients over the past year.”  Victoria explained. Symptoms include: anxiety, embarrassment, guilt, distorted thinking, vulnerability, insomnia caused by loss—not just loss of money—but of control, identity, even status.

FLS occurs in 6 stages (similar to the well-documented stages of grief):

1.      Denial—like the proverbial ostrich, you hide your head in the sand rather than look at your portfolio. Major feeling: Numbness

2.      Realization—this stage begins the moment you open your statement and realize the damage. Major feelings: pain, fear/terror, embarrassment.

3.      Anger—someone must take the blame…often it’s yourself. And it doesn’t help that the bad guys are getting bailed out.  Major feeling: fury

4.      Bargaining—this stage represents a last grasp at control. You swear you’ll do something, you’re just not sure what. “If  my stocks get to ‘X’, I’ll sell.” Or,  “I’ll stay in the market and buy more.” Major feelings: confusion, fear

5.      Depression—it finally, really hits you: you have no control.  The economy is tanking, taking everybody with it. Major feelings: apathy, lack of motivation, helplessness.

Beware the first 5 stages, warns Victoria. “This is when people make irrational decisions, lock in losses, anything to stop the pain.” Instead, she urges, “focus on what you can control, like making a budget.” Healing begins at Stage Six.

6.      Acceptance—it’s time to face the facts, figure out what you can control (i.e. spending), update your financial situation, then make a plan for the future.  Major feelings: sense of control, renewed confidence.

Being the wise advisor that she is, Victoria declares:  “Panic is not a plan. It doesn’t work.” She recommends a far better plan:

·         Turn off CNBC.

·         Grab a calculator and a yellow pad.

·         Figure out your networth and cashflow.

·         Make an appointment with a good financial planner.

·         And then, relax with a nice glass of wine, and congratulate yourself for taking action based on KNOWLEDGE, not FEAR, IGNORANCE, or HABIT.

 

January 16, 2009

Women In Power – Best Kept Secret

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Career, Empower, Feminism, Inspiration, Relationships, Women | Tags: , , |
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HandsI want to share with you one of the best kept secrets in the world of women and power. It’s called Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. I had no idea what Mama Gena’s was all about until Regena Thomashauer (aka Mama Gena) asked me to speak earlier this year.  When I walked into the room, the energy was so high and the women I met so extraordinary, I knew I had to check it out. So I signed up for Mastery.

The course explores power in ways that will deeply transform your relationship with yourself as a woman along with your ability to create your dreams and desires. What it did for me was help me identify and overcome barriers that have kept me from living my life to the fullest.

Regena’s work is truly cutting edge. I’d love you to check it out at  http://www.mamagenas.com, or contact me with any questions.  A new Mastery is starting soon…I’d love to see you there!

 

August 19, 2008

Help, I Think I’m A Compulsive Shopper!

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Career, Empower, Inspiration, Money, Savings, Support, Women | Tags: , , |
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It’s the finale…the last installment of popular questions. I hope they’ve been helpful. And if you have any questions for me, feel free to ask. I’d love to hear from you! So here we go:

Road to financial empowerment for women

1. I’m getting married next year. Should my fiancé and I keep separate accounts or have one joint account?
It’s fine to have a joint account for bill paying, etc, but be sure you have one for yourself too. Every woman needs an account in her own name.

2. How can I stop being such a compulsive shopper?
As my mentor, Karen McCall, a pioneer in financial recovery, always said: “You can never get enough of what you don’t really need.” The problem isn’t the shopping, but the “hole in your soul” you’re trying to fill. I highly recommend attending DA (Debtors Anonymous) meetings, a 12 step program for over-spenders, chronic debtors, and underearners.

3. What is one of the most common money mistakes women make and how can I avoid it?
Without a doubt; it’s doing nothing because you’re afraid of making a mistake. My advice is to spend 3-6 months educating yourself. How?

  1. Every day read something about money, even if it’s just the headlines in the business section of the newspaper, even if it’s only for 1or 2 minutes.
  2. Every week, talk about money, particularly with someone who knows more than you. (taking a class counts too).
  3. Every month, save by having a small amount from your paycheck or checking account automatically deposited in a savings and/or retirement account.

I also encourage women to find a financial advisor they can trust, who will hold them accountable and keep them on track.

4. I’m always worrying about money. How can I calm my fears?

  1. Educate yourself. Knowledge is the best anecdote for fear. The goal is to make financial decisions from knowledge, not ignorance, emotion or habit. Doing the 3 steps I outlined above is an amazingly simple but effective way to conquer money fears.
  2. Join with others. We women are so relationship oriented, one of the best ways to learn is to get support by forming (or joining) a money book club, money study group, or investment club.
  3. Track your spending. Write down every penny you spend for at least a month, then transfer those amounts to spending categories. This exercise allows you to see how/where you can shave expenses, figure out a debt repayment plan, and increase savings.
  4. Create an emergency savings fund with at least 6 months worth of living expenses (a shoe sale is NOT an emergency!)

5. As a young career woman, what’s the single smartest thing I can do with my money now?
Automatic savings. Arrange to have the bank, every month, withdraw money from your checking account or paycheck and deposit it monthly into a personal savings account. Even small amounts ($10 or $20 a month) consistently saved accumulate quickly. It’s money you’d otherwise fritter away. And you don’t miss what you don’t see!! Do the same with your company’s retirement account.

6. My current salary is under 50K. How can I make more money?
If you love what you do, ask for a raise. If you get a ‘no’, ask your boss what you need to do for a pay increase. If you feel dead-ended, or dislike your current job, start looking for a better, higher paying one. Figure out what you’re passionate about and network like crazy. From my interviews with six- and seven-figure women, I discovered that four factors are essential for financial success and quality of life (both are important):

  1. Passion—loving what you do
  2. Audacity—doing what you fear
  3. Resilience—getting back up when you fall down
  4. Community—reaching out for support
 

August 12, 2008

Is Talking About Money, Crass and Rude?

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Career, Earning, Empower, Inspiration, Money, Support | Tags: , , |
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I’m back with more questions that I’m commonly asked, and the pithy answers I provided. Let me know if you disagree (or agree) with any of my responses.
1. How does a person, like myself, who is inexperienced with negotiating, learn how to do it successfully?
I’ll tell you how I’ve learned to be a better negotiator: by 1) taking classes, 2) reading books, 3) talking to people who are good at it; 4) learning from my mistakes. If I have to choose the one that’s been the most powerful, it’s #4.
2. I have a lot of external constraints—3 children and an active family life—that prevent me from achieving my full professional potential. What can I do?
Your external conditions are not actual constraints. They’re excuses…pure and simple. I talk to too many women, with those same constraints, who are succeeding magnificently. And then there are others who don’t have kids or a family, yet have all kinds of other “constraints” as reasons for not acting. More often than not, we use those “constraints” as justifications, so we don’t have to do what we’re scared to do.
3. How can I most effectively teach my children about personal finance?
Whenever anyone asks me ‘how can I get my kids to be smart about money?’ my answer is always the same. Start by getting smart yourself. When it comes to children, you teach best what you model most. Also, I suggest talking openly and consistently (without preaching) to them about money. Include your kids in conversations about the family budget, paying bills, investing, saving for college, the danger of credit cards, etc. Managing money was, and still is, a very common topic of conversation around our dinner table.
4. I am a 50-year-old chronic underearner in a dead-end job with no advancement path. Is there any hope for me?
I was in my 50’s when I finally overcame underearning. And I’ve interviewed women who didn’t start making good money until their 60’s or 70’s. Overcoming underearning has nothing to do with age, lack of education or credentials…or anything else we think we need to make the big bucks. The only requirement necessary is the willingness to do what you fear, including thinking bigger, valuing yourself, and going outside your comfort zone (which may mean finding a new job)
5. Discussing money can be seen as crass, rude, or inappropriate. Until this changes, how can I find support, like you suggest?
I’ll tell you how I found support. I went to networking events, joined professional groups, attended financial conferences…anywhere I could find people who were like I wanted to become. I’d talk to them openly about money. It wasn’t crass. I didn’t ask how much they made, but I’d pick their brain and find out how they got smart. You’d be surprised how people will respond when you’re authentic and sincere about learning more.

So, do you agree or disagree? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

 

July 15, 2008

Fear Got You Stuck??

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Career, Empower, Inspiration, Money, Support, wealth | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |
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I have a question for you. It’s an important one. What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

Whenever my children ask me what they should do, I always respond the same way. “Do what scares you the most.” They rarely like that reply, but they always know I’m right.

Why?

Because when you stretch beyond your comfort zone, miracles occur. They really do. Dreams come true. Your confidence soars. All sorts of amazing things happen when you tackle what terrifies you. It’s the one act that separates high earners from underearners, a life of joy from one of quiet desperation. But don’t just take my word for it.

Here’s a beautiful email from a woman who attended my workshop last December:

“Your BIGGEST gift to me was your admonition to stretch – to commit myself to being uncomfortable for the sake of financial growth and, to a certain extent, self-respect. In my case, that willingness to be uncomfortable took the form of keeping up marketing relationships even when there was a clear possibility – even likelihood – of disappointment, and asking for more money for what I do. I set a goal of $100,000 in billings for this year and am happy to tell you I had exceeded that goal by the end of May. What is more, being uncomfortable is no longer very uncomfortable! (Italics are mine!) Disappointments and even outright refusals/rejections now feel like part of the landscape instead of the monumental cliffs I had imagined them to be before.”

I get emails like this all the time. I’m sure that’s what gives me the courage to stretch as often as I do. And that’s why I’m sharing the email with you…to inspire you and challenge you to go where you fear.

Two things I have come to see for sure:

1) The closer you get to what you fear, you’ll find it’s never as scary as you expected.

2) There’s a direct correlation between the level of fear you feel and the amount of pleasure, power, and freedom awaiting you on the other side.

So, I ask you again: What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Care to share???

 

July 1, 2008

Do You Think Like A Wealth Builder, or You More a Sex And The City Kind Of Girl?

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Finance, Inspiration, Money, Relationships, Women, wealth | Tags: , , , , |
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Do You Think Like a Wealth Builder, or Are You More a Sex and the City Kind of Girl?

I was reading a blog the other day, when one line really caught my eye:

“I can SEE the difference between the mindset that simply wants to make money and the mindset that is more focused on creating and building wealth.” (http://witoo.wordpress.com/2008/06/14/making-money-versus-building-wealth/)

I love the way the blogger described her epiphany! Indeed, there is a HUGE difference between making money and creating wealth. And it really is a matter of mindset. This was my biggest surprise when I interviewed six-figure women. These women earned more than most people on the planet, yet very few of them were wealthy. Without question, their mindset is what made the difference. And it makes sense: how we think determines the choices we make and the results we create (i.e. wealth or no wealth)

Let me demonstrate:

The Make-Money-Mindset thinks like this: “I want to make money because the more money I make, the more clothes I can buy, the more trips I can take, the more wining and dining I can do, and the more fun I can have.”

The Create-Wealth-Mindset thinks like this: “I want to make money because the more money I make, the more I can save and invest for the long term. “

Do you know what separates between those mindsets? Two words. Instant gratification. It’s the difference between snapping up those Prada shoes–which you have to have because they go perfectly with that Juicy Couture dress you just bought –and depositing that money straight into a mutual fund.

The previous example was inspired by the recent movie, Sex and The City, which is clearly the story of 4 women who don’t understand the meaning of delayed gratification.

Mind you, I’m not suggesting self deprivation. Saving money doesn’t mean sacrificing fun. You can always pocket a portion of your earnings, say 20 bucks, and take in a movie. In fact, go watch Sex and The City, and gloat about how much smarter you are!! (No, Carrie is NOT smarter for marrying a rich man. Read my book, Prince Charming Isn’t Coming…you’ll understand why!!!)

 

March 10, 2008

The Secret of SHE

Posted by barbarastanny under Barbara Stanny, Business, Career, Earning, Feminism, Finance, Inspiration, Money, Salary, Women, wealth | Tags: , , , , , , |
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I just got an enthusiastic email from a client: “I feel as if I have discovered from you a magic secret of life that nobody else on the planet knows about.”

OK, she may be exaggerating…a bit. But in truth, what she learned IS one of the most powerful, and best kept secret among Successful High Earners (SHEs). It’s also the biggest show-stopper for underearners.

The secret– so utterly simple, yet so profoundly difficult—goes like this: “When you commit to a goal, you don’t have to know how you’ll achieve it. You just need to do what comes next.”

I learned this from my interviews with SHEs. To paraphrase a famous quote, they’d set a goal, jump off the cliff, and build wings on the way down. Conversely, Underearners think they must have a full-blown plan all figured out before they’ll even allow themselves to consider taking a leap.

Here’s a typical conversation (from an actual email):The Secret of SHE

Woman: “When you say we ‘don’t have to figure it all out,’ does that mean I don’t have to figure out exactly how I am going to make the money I want to make?”

Me: “Yep. “

Woman: “Hmmm, that goes against my business school training that taught you have to make a business plan, a marketing plan to achieve your revenue goals.”

She’s right. The secret runs counter to society’s teachings. But the most successful high earners taught me otherwise.

The lesson I learned from them: The HOW is NOT important. I repeat, the HOW is NOT important. What matters most is your degree of commitment.

Here’s how the secret works. Commitments are like magnets. They draw opportunities to you, often disguised as coincidences. You turn on the news, step on the bus, bump into a friend, hear the phone ring, and from absolutely nowhere, someone or something shows up that’s just what you need.

(Warning: If synchronicities aren’t forthcoming, revisit you commitment. There’s a direct correlation between fierceness of commitment and frequency of coincidences.)

That’s how the secret works. Once you commit to a goal and get out of your own way, it’s mind boggling what can happen. Try it, and tell me your results.

 

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