It sure wasn’t what I expected when I interviewed hundreds of high earners for my books; Secrets of Six-Figure Women and Overcoming Underearning®. Very few of these highly successful women were driven by money, yet they still demanded to be well compensated because – and here’s the Big Secret – they felt they were worth it.

The good news is that it’s possible for all of us to build up our self worth. Here are some tips for pumping up your self-esteem along with your net worth:

1. Think Big, Then Think Even Bigger

What most of us do is unwittingly limit our earnings by lowering our expectations.  Especially women.  The idea is to think in terms of what you are worth, not just what you assume the market will bear.

2. Do Your Homework

One of the worst negotiating mistakes women make is picking a number out of the air that’s way too low.  The smarter ones find out their market value by researching the going rates, then ask for more than is offered so they’ll have room to maneuver and negotiate.

3.  Take the Initiative

Have tangible evidence of what you bring to the table.  Maybe you saved your company x-amount of dollars or had an idea that generated so many sales. Every time you accept more responsibility, successfully complete a challenge or create positive changes, document it.  Keeping records is an effective means of demonstrating your value to an organization.

4.  Daily Affirmations – Act As If

Affirmations are positive statements expressed as if they’ve already happened.  For example: “I have the confidence to ask for what I want” or
“I deserve more money in my life“.   Write them down.  Post them in full view. Say them out loud as often as possible.  When you act as if you’re worth a lot, you’ll eventually convince yourself as well as others.

5.  Challenge yourself in other areas

A stretch in any area of life has a ripple effect in other areas as well.  If you can’t quite get yourself to volunteer for that tough assignment or ask for a raise, try signing up for an art class or running a marathon.  Anything that puts you out of your comfort zone builds confidence and self-worth.

By practicing these tips, you’ll begin to notice a shift in how you feel about yourself.  Making more money becomes not something you should do, but something you have to do – because you know in your heart you’re worth it.

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

Sign up for Barbara’s free newsletter at:

http://barbarastanny.com/inner-circle-join.html

…which got me thinking about my own ability to receive — something I’d never really given much thought to.

As a result, I started a “Receiving Journal”.  I actually conceived the idea of a Receiving Journal for my new High Earner Intensive tele-seminar: www.barbarastanny.com/coaching-tele-seminars .  I assigned it as homework, and decided to try it myself.  OMG, what an eye-opener.

Keeping a Receiving Journal serves the same purpose as tracking your spending.  Both are consciousness raising tools.  But instead of increasing your awareness of money going out, a Receiving Journal forces you to face all the abundance flowing in.

As A Course of Miracles tells us: “Every day a thousand treasures come to me with every passing moment.”   The problem, however, is that the distractions of daily life keep us from noticing those treasures.  Ignoring treasures that flow in is, essentially, an act of pushing them away, of saying ‘no’ to abundance (whatever form it may take).

To fully access the power of a Receiving Journal, you have to understand this: everything that happens holds a gift for the receiver, regardless of whether you judge the event as ‘good’ or  ‘bad’.

Here’s how it works: in your Receiving Journal, write down everything you are given throughout the day:  from a word of praise to a kiss on the cheek, from a muscle spasm in your back to a reprimand from your boss.  The challenge, of course, is to find the treasure  in what may seem awful.  But even the good stuff can be challenging to accept.

For example:  I started noticing how often I’d gloss over expressions of praise or appreciation for my work, without really taking the words in and owning them fully.  So I started listing, in my journal, every compliment, every appreciative email I got.  And when I had a fight with my boyfriend, I actually stopped to figure out the gift (after my short bout with self pity) and discovered I was repeating a pattern that had messed up other relationships. That insight went in my journal too.

I love the impact this is having on my bottom line.  But even more, I’ve never felt so good about myself.  And as I learned from interviews with former underearners, the moment they began raising their self esteem, their income went up almost immediately.   Maybe that’s what a Receiving Journal is all about… not just expanding your ability to receive, but actually learning to love yourself, in a much bigger way. I’ll tell you this… it’s working!!!!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

Sign up for Barbara’s free newsletter at:

www.barbarastanny.com/inner-circle-join.html

“It’s a new year! I’m finally going to tackle my finances.  Yep, I’m really ready to get smart about money. Well…sort of.   I mean, I do want to learn…but it just seems so overwhelming.  Where do I start?”

Start with this article: http://www.creditcards.com/credit-card-news/savings-money-club-comeback-1264.php. Not just because I’m in it! The author, Dana Dratch,  does a fabulous job of explaining how to make  financial education fun! FUN????

Yes, FUN!  Invite some friends, bring some food, and start a Money Club.

“The idea has been around for years,” Dana writes. “A small group of friends, co-workers or, in some cases, complete strangers meet regularly to polish money skills, discuss money challenges and set concrete goals. Don’t confuse money clubs with investment clubs, in which members focus on investing skills and may even make investing decisions as a group or pool their money. “

Dana also interviewed Ginita Wall, the co-founder of www.wife.org (which I believe is the best financial education site on the internet for women) and a major proponent of money clubs. Ginita created the site; www.TheMoneyClub.org, where you can download a  free Leader’s Guide for “individuals interested in starting a club, and a menu of lesson plans for meetings.“

Money clubs are exploding in popularity. I’d love to hear from anyone who’s in a money club…got any tips or advice for the rest of us?

So, do you agree or disagree? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

1. How is underearning self-imposed?
If you look at the 10 traits of an underearner—for example, they talk as if they’re trapped; they give away their power; they are self-saboteurs, codependent, vague about money and often anti-wealth—you can see every single trait is a result of a choice we made.

2. What is one thing I can start doing NOW to live up to my full potential and earn what I deserve?
Do what you’re most scared to do. The number one requirement for going to the next level in your life is the willingness to be uncomfortable, to do what you think you can’t do. Don’t worry if you’re not sure what that may be. You’ll know exactly what it is the moment you hear yourself saying “I can’t do that,” or “Oh no, that’s impossible.” Fear always points the way to growth.

3. I’m great at saving, but I shy away from investing. I know a lot of other women do too. Why do we do this?
Because investing seems so complicated and overwhelming! “And we women are so damn busy, who has time to learn?” That’s how I felt—until I realized that it’s a matter of taking small steps, doing a little something every day, like reading the business section of the newspaper, perusing financial sites, watching PBS nightly business report, taking classes, talking to others about money. Watch what happens after 3-6 months. Then find a financial advisor you can trust (I wrote a booklet that tells you how, available on my website).

4. Women entrepreneurs are notorious for not charging what they are worth. How can I overcome this tendency?
By valuing yourself, believing in what you do, then speaking up and asking for more because you know you’re worth it. That’s what I had to do to make six figures. I had to raise my fees, bargain harder, even though I was scared to death to do it. Not everyone agreed to pay my higher fee at first, but enough did that my income went up significantly, without having to work any harder!

5. You say that focus and intention are critical to overcoming underearning. Why?
One of the most “popular” ways intelligent, talented, ambitious women keep underearning is by being scattered, unfocused, pulled in too many directions. They may be genuinely motivated to make money, but they don’t realize that stretching themselves too thin dilutes their energy and is an act of self sabotage.

Does any of this ring true for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Allianz Life Insurance revealed what every study for the past decade has discovered: most women want to learn about retirement planning and investing. But “(Women) are telling us that materials out there are difficult to understand and that they find them boring. Some even compared them to reading a foreign language,” says Sherri DuMond, vice president of marketing solutions for Allianz.

This is news? Maybe to the industry. Certainly not to women.

The problem is that financial firms simply respond with more of the same materials, but couched in what one advisor in the article called “female-friendly metaphors.” For example: “Updating your 401(k) every six months…is like putting your winter clothes away in the summer, she says, and making stable investment choices is like purchasing your first black or blue suit.”

If the financial industry asked for my advice (and no one has), here’s what I’d tell them.

It’s time to get down to the nitty gritty! Don’t just focus on the facts of investing. Get personal. Dig deep. Talk about her fears. Explore her resistance . Delve into the real issues, like family messages and cultural conditioning. I always say doing the outer work without paying attention to the inner work only perpetuates the status quo.

Am I all alone here? Or am I being foolish to think that if financial advisors were trained appropriately, they could learn to actually talk about emotions? Let me hear from you!

The reason: we women are so busy, many of us of don’t have the time, interest, or knowledge to manage our own money (and do it well). Of all the women I’ve interviewed, the ones with the highest networths didn’t necessarily earn (or inherit) the highest income. But the whopping majority did work with financial professionals.

The challenge: how do you find a trustworthy financial advisor?

The strategy: Ask for referrals from people who are happy with their advisors. Or go online to find names of advisors near you. Try these sites:

www.napfa.org — National association of Personal Financial Advisors

www.garrettplanningnetwork.com — the Garrett Planning Network of financial advisors who work for an hourly fee.

www.cfp.net — the website of Certified Financial Planners

The solution: Resist the urge to sign up with the first advisor you meet. Interview at least 3. Ask questions such as these, then go with your gut instinct:

1. Would you tell me about yourself?

2. Do you specialize in certain types of investments?

3. Who are your clients?

4. How do you charge for your services, and what costs might I incur working with you?

5. How often do you communicate with clients, and how often might I expect to hear from you?

6. Have you ever been involved in any lawsuits, arbitration, or disciplinary problems?

7. Is there anything you want me to know about you that I haven’t asked?

Need more help? I’ve written a booklet filled with great advice: Finding A Financial Advisor You Can Trust. You can order it on my website.

I’d love to hear your tips about finding an advisor.

Even though these women were not driven by money, they demanded to be well compensated because-and here’s the Big Lesson- they felt they were worth it.

The problem: women, in general, devalue themselves. These women, however, taught me specific ways to strengthen self esteem. Here are 5 tips for pumping up your self-worth along with your net worth.

1. Think Big, Then Think Even Bigger – What most of us do is unwittingly limit our earnings by lowering our expectations. Especially women. The idea is to think in terms of what you are worth, not just what you assume the market will bear.
2. Do Your Homework – One of the worst negotiating mistakes women make is picking a number out of the air that’s way too low. The smarter ones find out their market value by researching the going rates, then ask for more than is offered so they’ll have room to maneuver.
3. Take the Initiative - Have tangible evidence of what you bring to the table. Maybe you saved your company x amount of dollars or had an idea that generated so many sales. Every time you accept more responsibility, successfully complete a challenge or create positive changes, document it. Keeping records is an effective means of demonstrating your value to an organization.
4. Daily Affirmations -Act As If - Affirmations are positive statements expressed as if they’ve already happened. For example: “I have the confidence to ask for what I want.” “I deserve more money in my life.” Write them down. Post them in full view. Say them out loud as often as possible. When you act as if you’re worth a lot, you’ll eventually convince yourself as well as others.
5. Challenge yourself in other areas – A stretch in any area of life has a ripple effect in other areas as well. If you can’t quite get yourself to volunteer for that tough assignment or ask for a raise, try signing up for an art class or running a marathon. Anything that puts you out of your comfort zone builds confidence and self-worth.

By practicing these tips, you’ll begin to notice a shift in how you feel about yourself. Making more money becomes not something you should do, but something you have to do-because you know in your heart you’re worth it.

If you have other suggestions, I’d love to hear them.

OK, she may be exaggerating…a bit. But in truth, what she learned IS one of the most powerful, and best kept secret among Successful High Earners (SHEs). It’s also the biggest show-stopper for underearners.

The secret– so utterly simple, yet so profoundly difficult—goes like this: “When you commit to a goal, you don’t have to know how you’ll achieve it. You just need to do what comes next.”

I learned this from my interviews with SHEs. To paraphrase a famous quote, they’d set a goal, jump off the cliff, and build wings on the way down. Conversely, Underearners think they must have a full-blown plan all figured out before they’ll even allow themselves to consider taking a leap.

Here’s a typical conversation (from an actual email):

Woman: “When you say we ‘don’t have to figure it all out,’ does that mean I don’t have to figure out exactly how I am going to make the money I want to make?”

Me: “Yep. “

Woman: “Hmmm, that goes against my business school training that taught you have to make a business plan, a marketing plan to achieve your revenue goals.”

She’s right. The secret runs counter to society’s teachings. But the most successful high earners taught me otherwise.

The lesson I learned from them: The HOW is NOT important. I repeat, the HOW is NOT important. What matters most is your degree of commitment.

Here’s how the secret works. Commitments are like magnets. They draw opportunities to you, often disguised as coincidences. You turn on the news, step on the bus, bump into a friend, hear the phone ring, and from absolutely nowhere, someone or something shows up that’s just what you need.

(Warning: If synchronicities aren’t forthcoming, revisit you commitment. There’s a direct correlation between fierceness of commitment and frequency of coincidences.)

That’s how the secret works. Once you commit to a goal and get out of your own way, it’s mind boggling what can happen. Try it, and tell me your results.

2. Smart women don’t wait until they have a lot of money to begin. Wealth begins with as little as $25 to $50 a month. (If you simply put $2.00 aside every day, you’d have saved more than $60 at the end of each month). Through the “magic” of compounding, small sums grow into a sizable portfolio.

3. Smart women don’t wait for a crisis to get started. A crisis is the worst time to start anything. You can’t think straight. You tend to make terrible decisions, sink into paralysis, and leave yourself wide open to financial losses. Instead, make a conscious choice to become smart with money.

4. Smart women know with total conviction they must do it themselves. Dispelling the myth that “someday my prince will come” is the most important financial decision you will ever make. Prince Charming need not be a man, or even a person. Our “prince” could be an insurance settlement or the lottery, anything we fantasize will save us financially.

5 Smart women talk to others about money. You can learn so much from another’s mistakes and draw inspiration from their successes. You can use others as sounding boards, role models, and sources of encouragement, advice, and information. Why not start a financial book club or discussion group?

6. Smart women deal with their unconscious attitudes to avoid sabotaging success. If you find yourself fogging up or spacing out, if you can’t seem to apply the information you learn, or resist learning it in the first place, then chances are, psychological factors are impeding your progress. Once you identify your internal blocks, success can occur spontaneously, almost effortlessly.

7. Smart women understand risk makes her wealthy. Risk in the market refers to volatility and volatility refers to price swings. The more a stock moves up and down, the riskier it is. But those fluctuations only matter when you sell your holdings. The longer your time horizon, the less important those ups and downs are. If you’ve got say 10 years, those daily fluctuations are irrelevant.