Career


I have a question for you. It’s an important one. What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

Whenever my children ask me what they should do, I always respond the same way. “Do what scares you the most.” They rarely like that reply, but they always know I’m right.

Why?

Because when you stretch beyond your comfort zone, miracles occur. They really do. Dreams come true. Your confidence soars. All sorts of amazing things happen when you tackle what terrifies you. It’s the one act that separates high earners from underearners, a life of joy from one of quiet desperation. But don’t just take my word for it.

Here’s a beautiful email from a woman who attended my workshop last December:

“Your BIGGEST gift to me was your admonition to stretch – to commit myself to being uncomfortable for the sake of financial growth and, to a certain extent, self-respect. In my case, that willingness to be uncomfortable took the form of keeping up marketing relationships even when there was a clear possibility – even likelihood – of disappointment, and asking for more money for what I do. I set a goal of $100,000 in billings for this year and am happy to tell you I had exceeded that goal by the end of May. What is more, being uncomfortable is no longer very uncomfortable! (Italics are mine!) Disappointments and even outright refusals/rejections now feel like part of the landscape instead of the monumental cliffs I had imagined them to be before.”

I get emails like this all the time. I’m sure that’s what gives me the courage to stretch as often as I do. And that’s why I’m sharing the email with you…to inspire you and challenge you to go where you fear.

Two things I have come to see for sure:

1) The closer you get to what you fear, you’ll find it’s never as scary as you expected.

2) There’s a direct correlation between the level of fear you feel and the amount of pleasure, power, and freedom awaiting you on the other side.

So, I ask you again: What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Care to share???

I’ve never been particularly interested in politics, but this primary has been riveting. For the first time, a woman was a serious contender for President. You may like Hillary, or you may hate her. But you can’t refute this is has been an historic event that I suspect will change the landscape for women in a myriad of ways.

I was very moved by a recent newsletter from The White House Project (http://thewhitehouseproject.org/). The WHP is a nonpartisan 501(c)3 organization, whose purpose is to support and propel a diverse array of women into political leadership.

I thought it a gorgeous tribute to Hillary, a woman who has made history. I’d love to know what you think.

“When Senator Hillary Clinton declared her candidacy for President of the United States, she embarked upon a journey that forever changed American politics. As the first woman to win a presidential primary – and through the 19 victories that followed – Senator Clinton irrefutably proved to our nation and the world the viability of a woman candidate to lead our country as Commander in Chief. Though she will not gain her party’s nomination for the 2008 presidential election, Senator Clinton has permanently altered the political landscape, and we at The White House Project celebrate her pioneering candidacy as a testament to what will surely follow – a political pipeline swelling with women across the country who are ready and determined to lead. Senator Clinton’s candidacy has taught all of us much about the challenges facing women who lead…the subtle and overt manifestations of sexism in the election. Yet [we also saw the many] positives that this election has unfurled: a greater attention to the diversity and power of women voters; the historic, widespread support of both women and men for a female presidential candidate; and the steadily rising number of women across the country who are running for office. Increasing the numbers of women in politics is a critical step in making our nation the truly representational democracy it endeavors to be. As we say here, when you add women, you change everything – and Senator Clinton has undeniably transformed the place and power of women in politics forever. For that, and for much more, we applaud her historic run for her party’s nomination. “

I’ve learned a lot from interviewing high earners. But perhaps the most significant lesson was this:

Even though these women were not driven by money, they demanded to be well compensated because-and here’s the Big Lesson- they felt they were worth it.

The problem: women, in general, devalue themselves. These women, however, taught me specific ways to strengthen self esteem. Here are 5 tips for pumping up your self-worth along with your net worth.

  1. Think Big, Then Think Even Bigger5 Tips for Getting Paid What You Really Deserve – What most of us do is unwittingly limit our earnings by lowering our expectations. Especially women. The idea is to think in terms of what you are worth, not just what you assume the market will bear.
  2. Do Your Homework – One of the worst negotiating mistakes women make is picking a number out of the air that’s way too low. The smarter ones find out their market value by researching the going rates, then ask for more than is offered so they’ll have room to maneuver.
  3. Take the Initiative - Have tangible evidence of what you bring to the table. Maybe you saved your company x amount of dollars or had an idea that generated so many sales. Every time you accept more responsibility, successfully complete a challenge or create positive changes, document it. Keeping records is an effective means of demonstrating your value to an organization.
  4. Daily Affirmations -Act As If - Affirmations are positive statements expressed as if they’ve already happened. For example: “I have the confidence to ask for what I want.” “I deserve more money in my life.” Write them down. Post them in full view. Say them out loud as often as possible. When you act as if you’re worth a lot, you’ll eventually convince yourself as well as others.
  5. Challenge yourself in other areas – A stretch in any area of life has a ripple effect in other areas as well. If you can’t quite get yourself to volunteer for that tough assignment or ask for a raise, try signing up for an art class or running a marathon. Anything that puts you out of your comfort zone builds confidence and self-worth.

By practicing these tips, you’ll begin to notice a shift in how you feel about yourself. Making more money becomes not something you should do, but something you have to do-because you know in your heart you’re worth it.

If you have other suggestions, I’d love to hear them.

I just got an enthusiastic email from a client: “I feel as if I have discovered from you a magic secret of life that nobody else on the planet knows about.”

OK, she may be exaggerating…a bit. But in truth, what she learned IS one of the most powerful, and best kept secret among Successful High Earners (SHEs). It’s also the biggest show-stopper for underearners.

The secret– so utterly simple, yet so profoundly difficult—goes like this: “When you commit to a goal, you don’t have to know how you’ll achieve it. You just need to do what comes next.”

I learned this from my interviews with SHEs. To paraphrase a famous quote, they’d set a goal, jump off the cliff, and build wings on the way down. Conversely, Underearners think they must have a full-blown plan all figured out before they’ll even allow themselves to consider taking a leap.

Here’s a typical conversation (from an actual email):The Secret of SHE

Woman: “When you say we ‘don’t have to figure it all out,’ does that mean I don’t have to figure out exactly how I am going to make the money I want to make?”

Me: “Yep. “

Woman: “Hmmm, that goes against my business school training that taught you have to make a business plan, a marketing plan to achieve your revenue goals.”

She’s right. The secret runs counter to society’s teachings. But the most successful high earners taught me otherwise.

The lesson I learned from them: The HOW is NOT important. I repeat, the HOW is NOT important. What matters most is your degree of commitment.

Here’s how the secret works. Commitments are like magnets. They draw opportunities to you, often disguised as coincidences. You turn on the news, step on the bus, bump into a friend, hear the phone ring, and from absolutely nowhere, someone or something shows up that’s just what you need.

(Warning: If synchronicities aren’t forthcoming, revisit you commitment. There’s a direct correlation between fierceness of commitment and frequency of coincidences.)

That’s how the secret works. Once you commit to a goal and get out of your own way, it’s mind boggling what can happen. Try it, and tell me your results.

100 dollar billsHere’s something to make you think. “A woman who routinely negotiates her salary increases will earn over one million dollars more by the time she retires than a woman who accepts what she’s offered every time without asking for more.” That quote comes from Women Don’t Ask: The High Cost of Avoiding Negotiation—and Positive Strategies for Change (Bantam, 2007) by Linda Babcock, Sara Laschever.

One million dollars for speaking up!! What a price we pay for staying silent. If you feel you’re not getting paid what you’re worth (and really, who is???), I’ve got a great resource for you.

The Negotiating Women web site was designed by 2 high powered women, prolific writers and experts on the subject. Best of all, they offer 4 different e-courses that will teach you everything you need to know to be a top notch negotiator…and you can do it, at your convenience, in your PJs. I urge you to check them out.

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