Business


Not long ago, BusinessWeek ran a cover story on Women and Power. They featured a series of women that ran the gamut of economic status and job titles. It immediately reminded me of an important lesson I learned from successful women:

Money does not give us power

Power comes from the choices we make. That’s a very important distinction. Not all high earners are powerful women.

In my research, successful women fell into two groups. The Successful High Earners and the Hard-driven High Earners.

The Hard-driven ones are  superwomen on steroids, classic workaholics.  They are NOT powerful women. In fact, they have more in common with underearners than their higher paid peers. They live in deprivation…not necessarily money, but time, joy, freedom, and control of their life. They feel trapped, often by the money itself.

You know what makes Successful High Earners so powerful? Conscious choices based on self awareness. Most of these women actually take time to for self reflection, to figure out what was really important to them.  Their decisions are based, not on fear, but on their priorities, their most cherished values.

One of the most poignant examples was a woman who went to a workshop where she was asked this question: If you were on your deathbed, looking back at your life, what would make you feel happiest and satisfied with how you lived?  From that came a list of her top 5 priorities. Soon after, she was asked to be on the board of a business start-up in China. The meetings would be all expense paid weekends in SF. There was a time she would’ve jumped at the chance, but, she realized, Chinese business wasn’t one of her priorities.

“It would’ve been fun,” she told me. “I would’ve met interesting people, but it would’ve taken me away from my partner, the book I was writing, all those things that are really important.”

Spoken by a truly powerful woman. How about you? If you were on your deathbed, looking back at your life, what would make you feel happiest and satisfied with how you lived? When was the last time you identified your top priorities, your deepest values? More importantly, are you living them now?

Taking ChargeI just had a long conversation with Robin Tennant, who teaches negotiation skills to women. My question to her: What’s the biggest mistake women make in asking for more money?

Her response: Women give away their power before they even open their mouth.

How do we take back our power? I wondered. Here were her tips.

  1. Take credit for your ideas. You must toot your own horn, brag about your successes. Let the powers-that-be know precisely what your contribution was to a project or the team. “Men are taught to showboat. Women are taught to be submissive. We need to learn to say, ‘damn I’m good.’”
  2. Take responsibility for your mistakes. Your boss never wants to hear “yes…but” or any explanation. Instead, say ‘I made a mistake and I will fix it.” Robin tells me about a terrible mistake she once made, that lost business for the company, but she took responsibility, dealt with it professionally, and won her superiors’ respect. “It came a badge of honor by the way I handled it.”
  3. Be prepared. Bring a list—that you’ve worked on for a least 3 weeks to a month—of what you want and what you’re willing to give up. For example, Robin says, “I may not need my name on the stationary, but flexibility to go to my kids activities is really important.”
  4. Don’t look or act scared…even if you’re a quivering wreck. See yourself as an equal, adding value, deserving respect.
  5. Ask for what you want firmly, confidently, and allow for silence. Women often talk too much when they get nervous. Listen to what they say, even if its criticism, without interrupting or justifying your actions.

I liked her advice. Especially the part about taking credit for your successes and responsibility for your mistakes. What do you think?

If you want to get a hold of Robin: robintennant@mac.com

100 dollar billsHere’s something to make you think. “A woman who routinely negotiates her salary increases will earn over one million dollars more by the time she retires than a woman who accepts what she’s offered every time without asking for more.” That quote comes from Women Don’t Ask: The High Cost of Avoiding Negotiation—and Positive Strategies for Change (Bantam, 2007) by Linda Babcock, Sara Laschever.

One million dollars for speaking up!! What a price we pay for staying silent. If you feel you’re not getting paid what you’re worth (and really, who is???), I’ve got a great resource for you.

The Negotiating Women web site was designed by 2 high powered women, prolific writers and experts on the subject. Best of all, they offer 4 different e-courses that will teach you everything you need to know to be a top notch negotiator…and you can do it, at your convenience, in your PJs. I urge you to check them out.

« Previous Page

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.