I did it!  I actually did it!  I showed My Man my financials…and he did the same.

And you know the biggest lesson I learned (yet again) from all this?  The fear of doing is always worse than the actual doing! Now, in hindsight, I wonder, “what the hell was the big deal anyway??”

The second biggest lesson: resistance wanes the closer you get to the root of it. The moment I realized it was my childhood fear of feeling different and not being accepted, those old demons didn’t seem nearly so threatening.

So here’s what happened:

We were sitting around the kitchen table. He had just made me eggs.  (Gotta love a man who cooks!!)  I showed him the recent blog about my old journal and my epiphany. http://barbarastannyblog.com/2009/09/17/my-man%E2%80%A6my-money%E2%80%A6and-me/.

He read it thoughtfully, then looked up at me and said, ever so gently:  “I totally understand.”

Without even thinking, I walked to the stack of mail on the kitchen counter and tore open an oversized envelope. How perfect that my August financial statements had just arrived the day before. I pushed aside the dishes, spread out the papers, and said, “This is what I have.”

He listened, asked a few questions, and told me he was proud of the way I managed my money, especially given my history. Then, he described what he had in each of his accounts, I asked a few questions, and praised him for being so responsible.

I got up, washed the dishes, and we took a walk. That was it. It was a non-event.

But at the same time, it was clearly a turning point. We each realized, without saying a word, we’d taken our relationship to a new level of intimacy and trust.  And it felt really good!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
barbara@barbarastanny.com
www.barbarastanny.com

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